Food Allergies. Again.

I really wanted to start this blog post with a loud sigh.
[SIGH]

Emma had her very first allergy test this week - I had made the appointment because as soon as things starting blooming (VERY early) around here she was a sniffling, sneezing mess. It seemed like a good time to figure out what kind of seasonal stuff we were dealing with.

As part of the test they tested 23 outdoor allergens (weeds, trees, dust, grasses, cats, dogs, guinea pigs, etc). The test also included 20 food items.

This is what her arms looked like:

The "seasonal" arm immediately reacted with redness, itching, and small weals (or welts). Emma said "I've never been this itchy in my whole life!" And she cried. A lot.

The food arm took slower to react and I honestly wasn't expecting it to react at all. Or maybe I was HOPING it wouldn't react. I mean, what are the odds that BOTH girls would have food allergies?

Um, pretty damn good apparently.

After about 5 minutes Emma's "food" arm started reacting.
This is what it looked like after the serum and pen were wiped off:

Those red weals are all reactions to certain foods. Specifically: peanuts, almonds, walnuts, soy, and sesame seeds. Now, Emma eats edamame (soy beans) all the time with no issues so we were instructed to keep eating that.

However, everything else on the list of allergens is OFF LIMITS. So...Emma and Olivia have the same food allergies. [insert loud sigh here].

Emma hasn't ever liked peanut butter - she never eats it. And we don't eat nuts because I don't keep them in the house. But she now has to avoid anything that might have a cross contact issue (M&Ms, other candy bars, etc).

[As an aside: Please don't lecture me about this. Maybe you feed your peanut and tree nut allergy kid M&Ms all the time. I don't. I'm very vigilant about avoiding any foods that have been processed in a plant/on a line that also processes foods containing the allergens. You do you. I'll do things my way].

And so, Emma now has EpiPens and we have to be careful about her foods too.

To say I'm sad about this might be an understatement. I'm really pissed off. And, I'm sad for Emma (who is also sad). I wouldn't wish food allergies (of any kind) on anyone and now both my kids have them.

I mean really.
Seriously universe?
Are you done yet?

Oddly enough, I can say that this was not a bombshell diagnosis like it was with Olivia. When she was diagnosed in 2011 I was floored. Like FLOORED. With Emma it was more a feeling of sadness and resignation. Like, "well, here we go again."

And I know a lot more about food allergies than I did six years ago. So...I keep on keeping on. I continue to be the strongest advocate I can be for my kids.

But really universe. If you could just give me a break ... for just a little bit, that would be awesome.

The Fairness of Food Allergies

This week is #FoodAllergyAwareness week. For those of us with food allergy kids it's one of those "get out the message" kind of weeks.

You know, just like last week. But this week we have a hashtag and official graphics and stuff like that.

A story came out in the past couple of weeks about Ghirardelli.You know, the company that makes amazing chocolates and such. It seems that recently the company made the rather incredible decision to cease using peanuts and peanut products in their production lines. This decision also affects their ice cream shops which means sundaes will no longer be served with peanut butter sauce.

Oh. My. GAWD.

NO PEANUT BUTTER? IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! HOW COULD THEY? IT'S SO UNFAIR!

No, that's not sarcasm. Those are the type of responses I'm seeing on Facebook and online about this "end of peanut butter sundaes as we know it" news.

Seriously. There are people out there who are BITCHING AND MOANING because they can't eat a goddamn peanut butter sundae on vacation.

And I want to say to them: Are. You. F**king. Kidding. Me?!?

You're going to complain because ONE ice cream shop has decided to stop selling a chocolate and peanut butter sundae? That's the biggest concern you have in your life? THAT'S what keeps you up at night? That's what drives you to place the blame on kids with peanut allergies?

Seriously?

As a mom of a child with a peanut allergy I commend Ghirardelli for their decision. I think it's a brave step to take. Lofthouse Cookies are now made in a peanut and tree nut free facility - a decision that was made to accommodate the growing number of people with peanut and tree nut allergies. No one threw a hissy fit about that.

But apparently the removal of peanut butter from an ice cream shop menu means the apocalypse is nigh.

Because what is life without a peanut butter sundae? How can you possibly go on without THAT? I mean it must be HORRIBLE to know that you'll never enjoy a Gold Rush Sundae at Ghirardelli ever again.

Kind of like knowing your child can't ever eat anything made with peanut butter because they might DIE.

Oh wait. That's right. It's NOTHING LIKE THAT.

You can't eat a sundae? Well guess what...my kid can't eat ANYTHING with peanut butter or peanuts in it. NOTHING. Because if she does she could get very sick. Or she could DIE.

So when I read all this horrible, hurtful, hateful comments about how kids with food allergies are "ruining it" for the "rest of us" and how parents of food allergy kids need to keep their kids out of places like Ghirardelli and how it's SO UNFAIR ... well it really pisses me off.

You know what's really unfair? Being 11 years old with numerous food allergies that could end your life or at least put you in the hospital. It's unfair that my child still can't go into Ghirardelli because they still serve tree nuts. It's unfair that my child has gone to birthday parties where she can't eat the cake because it isn't safe. It's unfair that there so many horrible assholes out there who think it's OK to bitch and moan about one goddamn bowl of ice cream that they can't eat when my child LIVES THAT EVERY DAMN DAY.

Just once I would like one of those idiots to walk in the shoes of a child with a food allergy for one day. These kids didn't ask to have these allergies. They didn't do anything wrong to make their bodies rebel against food. They don't deserve to be blamed for a decision that they had no control over.

No one asked this corporation to stop using peanuts and peanut butter. The company made a decision based on what they thought was right based on the reality that peanut allergies aren't going away. They're trying to do something good for a small population of people and quite frankly they should be commended for it.

Don't blame the peanut allergy kids for the fact that you can't have a stupid sundae. It's not their fault.

Just once look past the end of your stupid, selfish nose and realize there's a whole big world out there that needs a little compassion. Kids with food allergies have it hard enough - they don't need your hatred and narrowminded views.

Kids with food allergies need your support. And your compassion. And a hug. Just make sure it's a peanut-free hug.

There ARE Still Good People in the World

As a mom of a kid with food allergies I spend a lot of my time bemoaning the fact that there are A LOT of really stupid, insensitive JERKS out there who can't see past the end of their noses when it comes to keeping kids with food allergies safe while still INCLUDING THEM in events.

(Wow. LONG sentence there. Sorry.)

But sometimes - just sometimes - there are people who go out of their way to INCLUDE Olivia (and other food allergy kids) and I think it's VERY important to give those folks a very loud shout out.

Case in point: Tonight Olivia is going to her friend's house for a cookie decorating and pizza eating party. The friend's mom (who is also someone I consider a friend) always ALWAYS A.L.W.A.Y.S. makes it a point to ask me what is safe and what isn't safe when she's planning a party. Even if the food is something they always eat at this friend's house, my friend always double checks.

Today (when I told her she was awesome) she told me she feels very protective of Olivia and always wants her to be able to be included and not have to worry about her allergies when she should be having fun with her friends.

You guys.
Seriously.
To hear another mom say she is protective of my kid?
Holy Toledo.
There is so much awesome in that statement.
You. Have. No. Idea.
#AllTheFeels

See, the holidays are a tough time for kids with food allergies. For Olivia the difficulty comes from the fact that the are nuts and peanuts EVERYWHERE. Some are out in the open and some are hidden but still present in cookies, candy, desserts, everywhere. It's frustrating for me as a parent to see her face when she realizes she can't have desserts. And it makes me sad when I have to say "no you can't eat that" like I did at her classroom party when an unknown parent sent in homemade cookies (I had no guarantee that they were safe, so they were off limits.)

Last night we went to the holiday dinner at my parents' country club and she couldn't eat ANY of the desserts - some had nuts in the or on them, but others (like chocolate covered Oreos) were off limits because the "chef" threw out the packaging on the chocolate so I couldn't see if there was an allergy warning. (Seriously "chef"? WTH.).

But in the end, Olivia ended up with a huge bowl of safe vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup so I think she made out better than the rest of us. Even still, she was once again singled out because of what she can't eat. And that sucks.

So when a parent makes it a point to include Liv....it's a big freaking deal.

Anyway....to everyone out there who makes it a point to include Olivia (and all the other food allergy kids in your life) THANK YOU. A million billion times - thank you.

And if your child wants to invite a friend over to your house and that friend has food allergies, be kind. Call the parents and ask what you can do to make that play date or birthday party fun and safe for all the kids.

Because sometimes, it really does take a village.

The Post Where I Vent About Food Allergies and Insensitive Jerks

There are many things in life that annoy me.

Bad grammar. Overuse of exclamation points. Tailgating drivers. Slow drivers. Brown M&Ms.

And, people who refuse to understand the seriousness of food allergies.

It's been almost three years since Olivia was diagnosed with allergies to peanuts, tree nuts, and sesame.

In those three years I have become a food allergy advocate for Olivia (and for all the other kids out there who were dealt this very unfair hand). I read all the labels. I do all the research. I warn the waitresses about Liv's allergies. I demand that they tell the kitchen about the allergies. I worry that something might get past the defenses and I'll have to EpiPen my 10 year old in the middle of a restaurant (or my kitchen).

I hope for a cure and know that one might never come.

And I shake my head in total disbelief every time I hear someone say "what's the big deal?" or "it can't be that serious" or "how can YOU still eat peanut butter if Olivia is allergic?"

Let me explain it all again....

The "big deal" is that Olivia has three very serious food allergies. Has she ever experience anaphylaxis? No. Does that mean she'll never go into anaphylaxis? No. She could eat something tomorrow that she's eaten before and JUST LIKE THAT I could be grabbing my EpiPens and calling 911 at the same time.

We do our best to avoid all the known allergens - peanuts, tree nuts (pecans, walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts, coconut, and many many more), and sesame. We avoid restaurants that aren't safe. We avoid ice cream shops where there's a risk of cross contact or cross contamination. We have to tell Olivia "no" and then comfort her when she cries because she can't eat the same dessert everyone else is eating.

We think back to all the times pre-diagnosis when she would eat peanut butter and then wake up vomiting in the middle of the night. We think about how lucky we were that she never had anaphylaxis after eating peanut butter pre-diagnosis. I think about the time we took her to a hibachi restaurant for her 7th birthday and how sick she felt that night (presumably from the sesame seeds that we didn't know were dangerous). We think about how many times she could have had an allergic reaction at school with NO EpiPens in sight. We always think about the "what if" moments.

We don't allow Olivia to eat anything made with peanuts, tree nuts, or sesame. Nor do we let her eat anything that is processed in a facility where those allergens are present. We ask questions at the bakery, we order "nut free" cakes knowing in the back of our mind that there is always a small risk that something got through the "nut free barrier."

There is never a guarantee that something that says it is "nut free" is truly nut free. Mistakes will be made. It's often a matter of putting our faith in the labels and trusting that they're accurate.

Do Olivia's allergies mean we don't keep peanut butter in our house? No. We have a jar of it in our pantry, within Olivia's reach. She doesn't touch it and we do our best to not eat it when she's home. We don't keep nuts of any kind in the house, but there are items in our pantry and freezer that she can't eat. And we make sure that she avoids those items. And (OHMYGOD) yes, sometimes I eat peanut butter. When Olivia is home. And I make it a point to not touch her or anything she is using in the kitchen.

And it's not just peanuts and tree nuts that are an issue. We also have to deal with sesame which is a sneaky bastard. I can only buy Panko bread crumbs because there is a sesame risk in most other bread crumbs. We don't order from certain pizza places in town because they use sesame seeds on their crust.  Sesame doesn't have to be listed as an allergen according to the FDA because it's not one of the "big 8"...so there's a big guessing game involved with sesame.

I read the label of every food item I'm buying at the store that I know Olivia will be eating and do a small victory dance when I find something "safe" that I know she loves (like powdered sugar doughnuts).

It's all about the labels and avoidance. It's how the world of food allergies work. If you eat pecan pie on Thanksgiving, Olivia will not give you a kiss. If you eat a peanut butter sandwich you can't play with Olivia until you wash your hands. If we have almond chicken with our Chinese take out, keep it away from Olivia's food.

We all have jobs to do to keep our food allergy kids safe.

And this includes dining establishments. There are restaurants where I am 100 percent comfortable taking Olivia because we know they are safe and take food allergies seriously. There are also restaurants where we won't dine (Five Guys, Chick-Fil-A) because they are not safe for Olivia's allergies.

When I can visit a restaurant (or other dining location) and have a conversation with the wait staff and/or kitchen staff about Olivia's allergies and receive an intelligent answer in return, then I know we will come back to that establishment.

When I question a dining establishment about their food safety and possible cross contact issues and I'm told that food labels are essentially "fake" and only exist because the LAWYERS MADE THEM DO IT...well, let's just say I go into my Mama Bear mode and I will do whatever it takes to protect my daughter. Including bringing safe food into that establishment until they change their policies and procedures.

Also, I want to punch them in the face.
Hard.

I don't expect a 'peanut free zone' everywhere we go with Olivia. Hell, our own house isn't 100 percent peanut free. But what I do expect is respect and civility and understanding and compassion.

To anyone who thinks food allergies aren't a big deal and that my requests for food labeling and a reduction in cross contact in the kitchen is stupid, imagine you have a food allergy.

Put yourself in Olivia's shoes for just one day - and make it a day when you're at a friend's birthday party and everyone else is eating cake and ice cream and you can't eat it because the cake is from an "unsafe" bakery and the ice cream has a "processed in the same facility as" warning. Imagine how you would feel. Left out. Singled out. Different. Now multiply that by EVERY SINGLE DAY. Then maybe you'll understand what it's like to have a potentially life-threatening food allergy.

Don't tell me that my child should eat somewhere else. Don't tell me that food labels aren't real. Get educated and start working to protect kids with food allergies. Otherwise, you're just a big jerk.

Why My Kid's Food Allergies Mean You Should Keep Your Homemade Cake at Home

I am a food allergy parent.

I've blogged about Olivia's allergies to peanuts, tree nuts, and sesame many times since she was first diagnosed in 2011.

Today I read an article at the Huffington Post by Carina Hoskisson where she essentially wonders why her kids should "suffer" and not be allowed to eat "lovely, homemade, buttery, gluten-stuffed cake" if my kid has a food allergy.

Well, Carina Hoskisson because your lovely, homemade cake that your kid brings to class might contain peanuts or tree nuts and that would pose a danger to my kid.

And I'm not OK with that.
Ever.

But apparently it's too difficult for Ms. Hoskisson to "accommodate what feels like every child in the universe" with allergy-safe foods. God forbid her child couldn't bring homemade cupcakes to the classroom holiday party because a classmate has a life-threatening food allergy.

Because, you know, not being able to eat "lovely" cakes IS the END OF THE WORLD.

I'm sure her children are going to be permanently scarred because their classmate has a food allergy. And apparently it's ALL ABOUT Ms. Hoskisson and her needs and wants.

To hell with what the kids who suffer from serious, life threatening food allergies. Who cares about their needs and wants.

[Oh and I think Ms. Hoskisson needs to understand that there IS a difference between a food intolerance and food allergies. They are not the same thing. But that's a whole other blog post].

What people like Ms. Hoskisson fail to understand is this: it really IS all about the kids.  And I'm talking about the kids with the food allergies.

Last year there was a boy in Emma's kindergarten class who had a very serious life threatening allergy to dairy. As in, if someone spilled a drop of milk on the table and he touched it he would go into anaphylaxis and would need immediate medical help. This little boy sat an a "dairy free" table in the lunch room and the kids would actually ASK their parents to pack them "dairy free" lunches so they could sit with him.

We knew that for classroom parties and birthdays we needed to do our part to keep this little guy safe and healthy.

So, did all the moms bitch and moan about how we couldn't bring in "lovely, homemade" treats for birthdays and/or classroom parties? Hell no. We made sure that everything we brought for parties was safe for this little boy because we had compassion and we were worried about his safety. We didn't care about wowing the class with our latest Pinterest recipe. We cared about his health and well-being.

We were doing our part to keep a child safe.

Olivia's teachers have been amazing since her diagnosis. They send home letters before the school parties letting parents know that party treats need to be peanut and nut free. The room moms make it a point to ask me to bring baked goods to the parties so that I know it's safe for Olivia. And no one bitches about how hard it is to accommodate Olivia's allergies and what a pain in the ass it is that they can't bring in their own homemade goodies.

No one except for that one mom in second grade who didn't care about the peanut allergy warning because she was "too busy" to care and figured the "peanut allergy kid" could just avoid her pie topped with peanut butter.

Yeah, but that's not how it works.

See if YOUR kid eats a treat made with peanuts, tree nuts, or sesame and then they touch Olivia's desk with their peanuty hands and Olivia doesn't realize it and then she touches the same area and then eats something and there is residue on her hands...guess what? We have a potential allergy situation and it's all because YOU decided that you were too busy to care about the allergy kids.

And that is why it is so important for classmates and teachers and parents to understand the seriousness of food allergies. We aren't trying to make YOUR life more difficult be asking that you take our child's safety into consideration when bringing or sending treats to school. We are actually trying to keep our kids safe and out of the emergency room (or worse).

This isn't about YOU. 
This is about the kids. 
This is about MY KID.

See, my child already feel different and singled out thanks to her food allergies. She struggles with the fact that they can't have the cakes, cupcakes, doughnuts, and cookies that their friends are eating. So what she doesn't need are selfish, ignorant, stupid, small-minded people like Ms. Hoskisson to bitch and moan about how unfair it is to their kids that the "lovely homemade" cake can't come to school.

Because I'm going to bet that an allergic reaction to that lovely homemade cake that results in a ER trip (or something much more serious) is a lot more unfair.

It's quite simple really.

Those of us who are allergy parents ... we aren't asking you to cater to our kids by bringing in "safe" food to classroom parties. We're asking you to help us keep them safe. And if that means that you can't bring a homemade cake or cookies to the next classroom party because they're full of peanuts or hazelnuts..well that's just too damn bad.

This isn't about YOU.
This is about the allergy kids.

The never-ending allergy "adventure"

It's been about 18 months since Olivia was first diagnosed with allergies - both "seasonal" and food. When we found out that she had the "seasonal" allergies (really, they're year round...trees, pollen, grass, weeds, mold, dogs, cats) we also found out that she was allergic to peanuts and sesame seeds. And the allergist said to also avoid tree nuts as a peanut allergy almost always guarantees an allergy to tree nuts.

So for the past 18 months she has endured two scratch tests, allergy shots every single week, and an almost daily litany of "no, you can't eat that" because of her food allergies.

I immediately became that mom - the one who reads every label in the grocery store, the one who frets about her child going to a friend's birthday party because there might be a cross-contamination risk with the food, the mom who worries all the time about what her child is - or isn't - eating.

Yesterday was Olivia's second scratch test - she had been receiving "maintenance" shots for a year and they determined she was ready to be re-tested on all the original allergens from 18 months ago. For the non-food allergens her numbers were mixed: dogs and cats went down, mold went up, corn pollen suddenly appeared, and ragweed went down. So, a mix of good and bad.

And then the food allergens. All showed as a ZERO. That's right. According to the skin test, Olivia no longer has any food allergies. I asked the physician assistant and the nurse how this was possible after ONLY 18 months and their best answer? "It happens."

That was it.
"It happens."

Well, being THAT mom...that answer wasn't good enough for me. While I understand that it CAN happen - kids can grow out of food allergies - the likelihood of growing out of a peanut allergy is only about 20 percent. And while I would LOVE for my child to be part of that 20 percent....I want to be ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that she really has "grown out of" the allergies.

The PA and the nurse seemed totally content with just sending us off on our merry way without a second thought. Until I pushed back (a lot) and demanded a better answer than the one they were giving. ("Hey we have a new Pope! It's a food allergy miracle!" NOT.)

Finally the PA asked about the first skin test 18 months ago and how quickly the peanut and sesame allergy appeared. I told her it was almost an immediate reaction and her response was ... "Oh, that DOES make a difference."

Now we're getting somewhere.
Maybe I'm not CRAZY.

The PA decided that she really DID need more answers and a better confirmation than just the scratch test. So, she ordered a blood test for all nuts and sesame. The blood test is often much more "sensitive" than a scratch test, so if it shows any nut allergens the next step will be a food challenge - where they would have Olivia eat the allergen-inducing food in a controlled medical environment.

Now some of you might be thinking I should just be happy that Olivia was "cured" of her peanut allergy. You might be thinking "damn, don't you want her to be better?" And you might be thinking I'm overreacting to all of this and should just LET IT GO.

But it's not that simple.

YES. I do want her to be better. I want her to feel "normal" and not feel singled out when it comes to food. I wish I could erase the last 18 months and make her forget all the tears that have been shed over foods she couldn't eat. I wish we could go out to dinner and not have to tell the waitress "we have a peanut and sesame allergy." I wish we didn't have to carry EpiPens with us everywhere we go. I wish I didn't have to tell her "no" all the time when it comes to food.

And YES, I am hoping that her allergy really IS gone. I am hoping that somehow she "won the allergy lottery" (as someone said to me in a forum yesterday) and is better. I hope this blood test shows no allergy to nuts or sesame.

But I'm not willing to risk her health and safety and just rely on a scratch test. I'm not willing to just say "OK. She's cured! Now let's eat some peanut butter!" I'm not willing to just chalk it up to luck or a possible faulty test 18 months ago. It's just not worth the risk. And if you're not an allergy parent and don't worry about food all the time like I do, maybe you just don't get it.

And so...we're doing the blood test and heading back to the allergist in two weeks for the results. And yes, I am hoping for the best. I am hoping that maybe the test 18 months ago was just a fluke and she really is better - but I'm also a realist and know that yesterday's test could be wrong and we could still be dealing with food allergies. So, if you could...keep your fingers crossed for a good test result.

Flying the "friendly skies" with peanut allergies

You might want to grab a peanut free snack. The following is a tale of two flights with a child who has peanut allergies.

There are certain things that come to mind when you're thinking about flying: cramped seats, overstuffed overhead bins, crazy bag fees, and little bags of peanuts. Some airlines still serve them and they seem innocent enough.

Except when you have a peanut allergy. Then, those little bags of peanuts could be the cause of a life threatening allergic reaction at 32,000 feet. 

As a parent of a child with a peanut and tree nut allergy the thought of flying in a metal tube filled with potential food hazards is a bit stressful. Last month we flew Delta to Ft. Lauderdale and before our flights I made it a point to contact Delta's "disability services" to let them know about Olivia's allergies. I wanted to make sure the flight crews were aware of her allergies and hoped they would make every

From Delta's website:  Effective on flights operating June 1, 2012 and beyond, when you notify us that you have a peanut allergy, we’ll refrain from serving peanuts and peanut products onboard your flight. We'll also advise cabin service to board additional non-peanut snacks, which will allow our flight attendants to serve these snack items to everyone within this area. Gate agents will be notified in case you'd like to pre-board and cleanse the immediate seating area. We'll do everything we can, but unfortunately we still can't guarantee that the flight will be completely peanut-free.

OK great. No flight can ever be 100% peanut free, I get that. (Unless of course airlines actually created "peanut free flights" which would be amazing for people with peanut allergies, but I digress). I know there will always be people who bring some kind of peanut product on board. However, we had two very different experiences on our Delta flights. One good. One not so good. And then there's the response I received from Delta.

The Detroit to Ft. Lauderdale flight was more than I expected when it came to accommodating Olivia. I spoke to the gate agent and she assured me they had a notation in the flight document about the allergies. Then, they allowed Olivia and I to board with the first class passengers so that I could wipe down our seats and tray tables with Wet Wipes - just in case there had been some serious peanut eating on the previous flight.

The flight attendant for our section immediately approached us and let me know that he was going to make an announcement that it was a peanut free flight. And then before take off he told the three rows behind us, the two rows across from us and the one row in front of us that they were in a "peanut free zone" and asked that they refrain from eating ANY peanut products. That. Was. Awesome.

Then, the snack cart came by. And I was surprised to see that the 'peanut free flight' was actually not so peanut free. Passengers could still purchase snack boxes with tree nut products and peanut M&Ms. Interesting.

Our flight home from Ft. Lauderdale was less than stellar when it came to the peanut issue. After flagging down a flight attendant to tell her of Olivia's allergies, I was essentially waved off with a "we don't serve peanuts" response. Then she made an announcement that this was a "peanut free flight." And then she proceeded to offer bags of trail mix filled with peanuts, snack boxes with peanut products and peanut M&Ms to anyone who wanted to pay the upcharge. And, there was no "peanut free zone" around Olivia's seat.

To say I was furious would be an understatement. I understand that the other passengers on the plane don't give a damn about my child's food allergy, but the airline should. If the airline is going to claim that they will refrain from serving peanuts and peanut products on board a flight where a peanut allergy is known, then they damn well better refrain from serving ANYTHING that has peanuts in it. That's the right thing to do. That's the safe thing to do.

I emailed Delta's customer service once we arrived home and today I received a response that included an apology (sort of) for the Ft. Lauderdale flight but also included a very condescending portion where they seemed to blame me for not understanding their "peanut free" policy and then tried to school me on the fact that many things might contain peanut products and those are out of their control.

Here are a few excerpts:

1. ...it is crystal clear from your detailed note that there seems to be a misunderstanding with our current peanut policy. Allow me to clarify that we have adopted a policy for our passengers with peanut allergies whereby when we are notified in advance or at the gate or onboard the aircraft, we will refrain from serving peanuts and peanut products on the flight.  [I guess Peanut M&Ms don't really contain peanuts then, right? Yeah. Clearly I misunderstood their policy. Silly me. I thought peanut free flight actually meant peanut free.]

2. In addition, it is always helpful for a passenger to review their needs with our team member at the gate and with the crew onboard their flight. Respectfully we cannot guarantee an environment free of allergens including peanuts, peanut dust, peanut oil or peanut remnants. Please remember onboard meals may contain both peanuts and tree nuts and other items served onboard may be processed or packaged in factories that produce peanut or tree nut products. [Oh. So you were just kidding about the whole "peanut free" flight thing? I understand. Yep, there was a crystal clear misunderstanding.]

3. As I am sure you are aware, peanuts are used in cooking, cosmetics, perfumes, shoe polish, candy bars, garnishes, plastics, lubricants, and so forth. [No. I wasn't aware of this. I'm an idiot and only thought peanuts were present in PEANUTS. Thanks for schooling me Delta. I feel so much smarter now.]

4. In spite of our policy not to serve peanuts, it is disturbing to learn that some snacks made available for purchase may include some form of peanut/tree nuts. Thus, we appreciate you bringing this matter to our attention. [Oh you're so welcome. But I bet you're not going to get rid of peanut M&Ms anytime soon, are ya?]

Look, I get it. I can't shield my daughter from every possible peanut-induced hazard out there. I can't force the guy in seat 24A to not eat that PB&J he brought from home. But I should be able to expect that an airline that claims to create peanut free flights by NOT serving peanuts and peanut products to actually STICK to that claim. 

Having a peanut free flight goes beyond a small bag of peanuts. If you really want to keep your passengers safe, then don't serve trail mix or snack boxes with almonds or peanut M&Ms. It's not enough to say the words "peanut free" if you aren't going to take the actions necessary to be peanut free. 

I don't know if parents of kids without food allergies can fully comprehend what it's like to have a child with a potentially life-threatening food allergy. I'm not over-reacting to our experience on Delta, trust me. It seems like every day of our trip I was telling Olivia she couldn't eat something or she shouldn't touch something because it might have peanuts or tree nuts or sesame. And because we don't know what Olivia's "trigger item" is when it comes to her peanut/tree nut allergy that makes it all the more stressful. What if she's more allergic to almonds or hazelnuts than she is to peanuts? What if merely being next to someone with a bag of peanuts is enough to cause a reaction? Or what if she touched something on that flight that Mr. Seat32C touched right after he ate a bag of trail mix filled with peanuts. And what if she then touched her mouth and had an allergic reaction and we had to use the EpiPens on her to prevent anaphylaxis at 32,000 feet.

WHAT IF. 

That is the reality of having a child with food allergies. There's a whole lot of "what ifs" involved in every food decision. And I just wish Delta - and all other airlines - would realize this when they talk about "peanut free" flights. What if they really meant "peanut free" when they used those words?

Food allergies are just so unfair!

Yes, the title of this post is me channeling my inner 8 year old. If you added stomping feet and big, fat tears to the mix that would be exactly how I feel about food allergies.

We've been living with and dealing with Olivia's allergies to peanuts, tree nuts, and sesame for just about one year. I think about last year as "BA" and "AA" - before allergies and after allergies.

Before allergies I didn't pay much attention to snacks at school. I didn't worry that another student would bring something for a birthday treat that Olivia can't eat. I didn't read every single label at the grocery store. I didn't worry about walking into a restaurant and wondering if my child would be safe to eat there.

After allergies?
It's a whole new ball game friends.

I call restaurants before we visit - to make sure they don't fry in peanut oil or sesame oil. We avoid places like "Five Guys" and "Chick-Fil-A" because they fry in peanut oil.  (With CFA we avoid them for other reasons too!). We can't go to the "hibachi" grill restaurants because they use sesame seeds on the grills when cooking certain foods and it's a cross contamination risk. We have to make sure pizza places don't use sesame seeds as a crust option - and if they do, we don't order from that place. We can't get doughnuts at bakeries because there's a risk of cross contamination with peanuts and/or tree nuts.

At the grocery store I read the labels of all crackers, cookies, cereals, and breads. We avoid everything that was made with peanuts or tree nuts, but we also avoid all items processed in a facility that also processes peanuts and/or tree nuts.

Which brings me to today's post.

Today Olivia cried at school because she felt left out. She cried because she felt like an outsider because she has a food allergy. And I wanted to cry with her.

The elementary school had their annual fundraiser walk today - and the "special treat" for all students was a cookie. A cookie whose label clearly stated that it was "processed at a facility where peanuts and tree nuts are used." A cookie that should have been a red flag for any child with an allergy to peanuts and tree nuts.[As a side note, none of the "helpers" handing out the cookies bothered to ask if anyone had a food allergy. They just gave every child a cookie. In my mind, that is irresponsible behavior. Maybe that's just me.]

I told Olivia she couldn't eat that cookie. I also told her teacher - and the teacher said "don't worry Olivia, you can have Smarties after the walk." I thought Olivia was OK with that. I was wrong.

After the walk was over and the cookies were being passed out, I looked at Olivia and she had tears silently streaming down her face. When I asked her what was wrong she said "I just want to have a cookie."

Damn those stupid cookies and their cross contamination risk.

At that moment I hated food allergies so very much.
There was nothing I could do to make things better.
I can't fix Olivia's food allergies. I can't make them go away.

And so, I did the only thing I could do.
I hugged her extra hard and told her how very special she was.

I told her that those pesky food allergies made her a very special little girl because she gets to have the Smarties that her teacher keeps just for her. I promised her that I would make her something special for dessert at home. And when her teacher saw the tears she hugged Olivia and said "you can have two packs of Smarties!"

All of that is just fine and dandy.
But it didn't change the fact that Olivia felt different because of her allergies.

It didn't change the fact that the school didn't think ahead and actually have something "safe" and nut free for kids like Olivia. It doesn't change the fact that until they find a cure for food allergies or until Olivia grows out of them, she's always going to feel "left out" and I'm not OK with that.

And as her mom it's my job to be her advocate.
It's my job to make sure she doesn't feel left out. 

And so I say this - please, parents...if there is a child in your kid's classroom with any kind of food allergy PLEASE take the into consideration when bringing in snacks for birthdays or classroom parties. Don't just brush it aside and think it's not a big deal. Because food allergies are a very big deal. They are a matter of life and death. Kids with food allergies feel singled out all the time...please don't make it worse by ignoring them. Include them with allergy safe foods. Or better yet, don't send in food for birthdays. Do something else like stickers. And to the schools ... think before you do something like handing out cookies that might possibly be an allergy risk. The are safe foods out there - you just have to take the time to read the labels and do your research.

Kids with food allergies aren't "different"...they're extra special. Please remember that and keep them safe.