Holy Toledo.
It's a blogging miracle.
Another Thursday, another blog post -- and they're only a week apart.
Yeah, don't get too excited. I doubt this will happen again.
But I had to write this down before I forget.
Because, today we're going to talk about Fibro Fog, also know as brain fog.
Of all the shitty things caused by Fibromyalgia, the brain fog is THE WORST.
Yes, the constant aches and pains suck. A lot.
But brain fog?
I hate it.
I used to consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, pre-fibro.
Now?
Most days I feel like a complete idiot at some point or another.
Either I'm forgetting shit I shouldn't forget or I can't form a complete sentence, or I say something totally opposite of what I meant to say -- none of which makes me sound like I'm smart. And sometimes as the words are coming out of my mouth my brain is shouting "STOP! You're going to use the wrong word or mix up your words....and .... OH TOO LATE."
Forgetting stuff? Yeah. I hate it.
My lists have lists and then they make little baby lists.
Lists are like gremlins on my desk - they multiply daily.
And when I'm stressed out?
Fuhgettaboutit.
Stress = 1000% forgetful.
And ALL OF THIS makes me feel less than.
Sure I joke about how I can't remember shit, but to be totally honest it bums me out a lot.
I hate how brain fog makes me feel.
There's really nothing fun about it.
If there's ONE thing I wish I could give up when it comes to fibro, it's the brain fog. I'd take more constant body pains if the brain fog would just go away.
OK...now that I've bummed all of you out....I'm gonna go make some more lists so I remember things. ;-D
Showing posts with label fibromyalgia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fibromyalgia. Show all posts
4.19.2018
3.07.2017
A Top 10 List for Fibromyalgia
I'm coming up on my one year "anniversary" of being diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Thinking I'll buy myself a cupcake and a venti caramel machiato to celebrate. [Sarcasm font deployed].
The other night as I painfully crawled into bed I started thinking about this blog post - which in itself is a dangerous notion because I can't remember shit most of the time. That I remembered some of what I wanted to write is AH-mazing.
As I thought about my life PF (pre-fibro) and how I feel now....every single day....it's kind of sad. I honestly can't remember the last time I didn't have some level of pain in my body. I'm sure it was some time back in late 2015, but that "old" me is gone.
One of my boards on Pinterest is labeled 'Fibro Girl' and it is where I post all the fibro-related pins I find, whether they're snarky ecards or "do this to feel better" ideas. Several of the pins are "things I wish people understood about fibro" memes.
And so, I thought I'd share a few things with you (my seven loyal readers....lol) about what I wish people understood about my fibro (because MY fibro might be totally different than your best friend's sister's boyfriend's mom's fibro).
1. Most days my pain level is a 2 or 3. [Click on photo below to see what these numbers mean]. On a rare occasion it'll be a 4. I have had a few days where I made it to 5. That's when I sleep and avoid people at all costs. But on any given day - including today and probably tomorrow - I'm a 2 or 3. Today I'd say I'm a 2 but might be headed toward a 3. Last night I was a strong 3. I had pain radiating from my shoulder blades into my collar bones. This morning Emma hugged me and it hurt. Pain is a daily thing for me.That's why they call it CHRONIC PAIN. I cannot remember the last time I didn't have some level of pain. Chew on that for a second. Chronic. Pain.
2. I'm not kidding when I say I don't want you to hug me. Or touch my arm or shoulder. Or grab my arm because something really exciting happened. Or pat me on the arm. Or the back. It really does hurt when people touch me. I'm not being overly-dramatic if you grab my arm (like one person at Emma's school is prone to do during meetings) and I say "OUCH. That hurts." I am super sensitive to being touched and quite frankly I don't like it. If I go in for a hug that's my way of saying it's OK to hug me. Otherwise, hands off me people.
3. Noise bothers me. A lot. If the TV is too loud (as my kids and husband are prone to do) I turn it down. If the whole family (all 10 of us) are together and everything is talking loudly it is literally like nails on a chalkboard to me. I can't handle it. If we're in a restaurant and it's really loud I can't handle it. The only way I can explain it is this: I can't think straight when it is too loud and it feels like my brain is short circuiting. I think I'm going to need headphones just to get through my flight to Orlando this weekend.
4. If I say I'm "OK" when you ask how I'm feeling, that doesn't mean that I'm feeling great (see #1 above). It just means that I don't feel like talking about how I really feel. Probably because I think you won't understand it.
5. I might joke about my shitty memory but my "fibro memory" and brain fog are seriously awful. I hate that I can't remember things without writing stuff down on at least two lists. I literally have a "to-do list" and a "don't forget to do this list." Most days, I will think "OK, I must do [insert random task here]" and if I get distracted even for a minute or two, game over. I won't remember what I was supposed to do. Brain fog takes all of this to a whole new level. My day can be going great and out of nowhere my train of thought derails and that's it. The only way I can explain it is this: it feels like a swarm of bees buzzing about in my head (like I literally have a bee or 20 in my bonnet) and I can't focus. On anything. That's when I walk away and take a nap and hope my brain reboots. I hate this feeling more than anything else because I feel stupid.
6. I am super moody, and the pain makes it worse. Sure I have good days where my mood is fine and all but....no shit, that can change on a dime. When I don't feel good - when the pain is closer to a high 3 or low 4 - that's when I get really snappish and you should probably avoid me. I also have a low tolerance for people in general when I feel like shit. You've been warned. ;-) [Ask Kevin how I act when I'm snappish. That guy deserves a f*cking medal for putting up with me when I'm in a "fibro mood.']
7. I have to take a pill to help me sleep at night. That pill has made me gain weight and I can't lose that weight. Which makes me feel even shittier than normal. Like, I'd love to lose 70 lbs (for reals) but the mere thought of exercising is exhausting. Lately, I've had to take 2 of those pills each night to help me sleep. Why? Because I am prone to wake up in the middle of the night with horrible pain in my elbows and hips and collar bones and if I take two pills I fall back to sleep easier. Imagine for a minute that you wake up in the middle of the night not because you heard a noise or because your husband is snoring but because you hurt SO MUCH that the simple act of rolling over in bed is excruciating. Welcome to my world.
8. I hate having fibro. Like for the longest time last year I kept thinking "this will go away and I'll wake up tomorrow and I won't be in pain." That hasn't happened. Which means I've had to accept this. I hate that going to the grocery store is exhausting. I hate that usually the simple act of taking a shower (especially on a 3-4 pain level day) is exhausting to the point that I have to sit in bed for 20-30 minutes just to regroup enough to walk downstairs. (Yes. Really. Taking a shower makes me tired.) I hate that as I'm sitting there typing I have flames of pain radiating out of my shoulders and collar bones and down into my elbows. I hate that my kids feel like they need to ask if they can give me a "real hug" or an "air hug." I hate that I feel like people will think I'm just being a complainer when I talk about how crappy I really feel.
9. The only thing I can do is power through every day. Even if I'm in pain (which remember IS every day) I have shit to get done. I have a job. I have laundry to do. I have meals to cook. I have ballet classes to drive to and basketball games to attend. I can't let fibro hold me back. And I will power through it ever single day. I have no other choice. But on any given day there might be one thing that sets me off - the weather, hormones, stress, lack of sleep, change in temperature, change in routine. This week it has been a four-day-long headache that sent me to bed at 8:45 Tuesday night because the pain was THAT bad and I felt that if I didn't go to sleep I would be sick. Like vomiting sick. I just never know what is going to be that thing that knocks me on my ass. At the end of this week it'll be the temperature change - which I can already feel BTW.
...and finally....
10. This. And this.
The other night as I painfully crawled into bed I started thinking about this blog post - which in itself is a dangerous notion because I can't remember shit most of the time. That I remembered some of what I wanted to write is AH-mazing.
As I thought about my life PF (pre-fibro) and how I feel now....every single day....it's kind of sad. I honestly can't remember the last time I didn't have some level of pain in my body. I'm sure it was some time back in late 2015, but that "old" me is gone.
One of my boards on Pinterest is labeled 'Fibro Girl' and it is where I post all the fibro-related pins I find, whether they're snarky ecards or "do this to feel better" ideas. Several of the pins are "things I wish people understood about fibro" memes.
And so, I thought I'd share a few things with you (my seven loyal readers....lol) about what I wish people understood about my fibro (because MY fibro might be totally different than your best friend's sister's boyfriend's mom's fibro).
1. Most days my pain level is a 2 or 3. [Click on photo below to see what these numbers mean]. On a rare occasion it'll be a 4. I have had a few days where I made it to 5. That's when I sleep and avoid people at all costs. But on any given day - including today and probably tomorrow - I'm a 2 or 3. Today I'd say I'm a 2 but might be headed toward a 3. Last night I was a strong 3. I had pain radiating from my shoulder blades into my collar bones. This morning Emma hugged me and it hurt. Pain is a daily thing for me.That's why they call it CHRONIC PAIN. I cannot remember the last time I didn't have some level of pain. Chew on that for a second. Chronic. Pain.
3. Noise bothers me. A lot. If the TV is too loud (as my kids and husband are prone to do) I turn it down. If the whole family (all 10 of us) are together and everything is talking loudly it is literally like nails on a chalkboard to me. I can't handle it. If we're in a restaurant and it's really loud I can't handle it. The only way I can explain it is this: I can't think straight when it is too loud and it feels like my brain is short circuiting. I think I'm going to need headphones just to get through my flight to Orlando this weekend.
4. If I say I'm "OK" when you ask how I'm feeling, that doesn't mean that I'm feeling great (see #1 above). It just means that I don't feel like talking about how I really feel. Probably because I think you won't understand it.
6. I am super moody, and the pain makes it worse. Sure I have good days where my mood is fine and all but....no shit, that can change on a dime. When I don't feel good - when the pain is closer to a high 3 or low 4 - that's when I get really snappish and you should probably avoid me. I also have a low tolerance for people in general when I feel like shit. You've been warned. ;-) [Ask Kevin how I act when I'm snappish. That guy deserves a f*cking medal for putting up with me when I'm in a "fibro mood.']
7. I have to take a pill to help me sleep at night. That pill has made me gain weight and I can't lose that weight. Which makes me feel even shittier than normal. Like, I'd love to lose 70 lbs (for reals) but the mere thought of exercising is exhausting. Lately, I've had to take 2 of those pills each night to help me sleep. Why? Because I am prone to wake up in the middle of the night with horrible pain in my elbows and hips and collar bones and if I take two pills I fall back to sleep easier. Imagine for a minute that you wake up in the middle of the night not because you heard a noise or because your husband is snoring but because you hurt SO MUCH that the simple act of rolling over in bed is excruciating. Welcome to my world.
8. I hate having fibro. Like for the longest time last year I kept thinking "this will go away and I'll wake up tomorrow and I won't be in pain." That hasn't happened. Which means I've had to accept this. I hate that going to the grocery store is exhausting. I hate that usually the simple act of taking a shower (especially on a 3-4 pain level day) is exhausting to the point that I have to sit in bed for 20-30 minutes just to regroup enough to walk downstairs. (Yes. Really. Taking a shower makes me tired.) I hate that as I'm sitting there typing I have flames of pain radiating out of my shoulders and collar bones and down into my elbows. I hate that my kids feel like they need to ask if they can give me a "real hug" or an "air hug." I hate that I feel like people will think I'm just being a complainer when I talk about how crappy I really feel.
9. The only thing I can do is power through every day. Even if I'm in pain (which remember IS every day) I have shit to get done. I have a job. I have laundry to do. I have meals to cook. I have ballet classes to drive to and basketball games to attend. I can't let fibro hold me back. And I will power through it ever single day. I have no other choice. But on any given day there might be one thing that sets me off - the weather, hormones, stress, lack of sleep, change in temperature, change in routine. This week it has been a four-day-long headache that sent me to bed at 8:45 Tuesday night because the pain was THAT bad and I felt that if I didn't go to sleep I would be sick. Like vomiting sick. I just never know what is going to be that thing that knocks me on my ass. At the end of this week it'll be the temperature change - which I can already feel BTW.
...and finally....
10. This. And this.
2.16.2017
This Week
OK, so yes it's ONLY Thursday but lately (as Chris Hayes says) every day feels like 20. And this has been a long week.
I celebrated my birthday last week and by Sunday I was starting to feel 'off.' Pretty sure it was my body's way of telling me I had been overdoing things.
Sunday night I took my sleeping pill like a good little fibro patient and I SLEPT FOR SHIT. You ever have one of those night where you think you're sleeping but your brain is on FULL OVERDRIVE and therefore you're really not asleep? (Sorry. That's the only way I can describe it).
That was Sunday night.
Monday morning I was in a fog.
I actually told my parents and sister at lunch that I was feeling "fuzzy."
My brain felt like it was full of buzzing bees.
Sounds pleasant right?
I managed to make it through the whole day without failing too hard.
That night I took TWO sleeping pills.
Don't worry, my rheumatologist says that's OK.
Holy shit was that some good sleep.
I made it through Tuesday without much effort.
I actually felt OK.
Tuesday night I took two pills again.
More good sleep.
Yesterday I was irritable and cranky.
I blame PMS + Fibro.
It makes me super bitchy.
I took a 90 minute nap.
Wednesday night was not good.
Our dog crapped in our bedroom at 11 p.m.
I cannot handle smells like that (even before fibro I couldn't do it but now it's like a trillion times worse).
So...I "slept" on the couch.
In pain.
Today I struggled to stay focused on stuff.
I managed to keep my focus, barely.
But as the day went on I could feel it.
The aches and pains creeping into my hips, elbows, shoulders, back, and the tip of my left index finger. Yes, really. The tip of my left index finger hurts. A lot.
I'm doing my best to fight it right now but I think tomorrow might be a not-so-great day.
Here's hoping I'm wrong.
And that my friends has been this week in Fibroland.
I celebrated my birthday last week and by Sunday I was starting to feel 'off.' Pretty sure it was my body's way of telling me I had been overdoing things.
Sunday night I took my sleeping pill like a good little fibro patient and I SLEPT FOR SHIT. You ever have one of those night where you think you're sleeping but your brain is on FULL OVERDRIVE and therefore you're really not asleep? (Sorry. That's the only way I can describe it).
That was Sunday night.
Monday morning I was in a fog.
I actually told my parents and sister at lunch that I was feeling "fuzzy."
My brain felt like it was full of buzzing bees.
Sounds pleasant right?
I managed to make it through the whole day without failing too hard.
That night I took TWO sleeping pills.
Don't worry, my rheumatologist says that's OK.
Holy shit was that some good sleep.
I made it through Tuesday without much effort.
I actually felt OK.
Tuesday night I took two pills again.
More good sleep.
Yesterday I was irritable and cranky.
I blame PMS + Fibro.
It makes me super bitchy.
I took a 90 minute nap.
Wednesday night was not good.
Our dog crapped in our bedroom at 11 p.m.
I cannot handle smells like that (even before fibro I couldn't do it but now it's like a trillion times worse).
So...I "slept" on the couch.
In pain.
Today I struggled to stay focused on stuff.
I managed to keep my focus, barely.
But as the day went on I could feel it.
The aches and pains creeping into my hips, elbows, shoulders, back, and the tip of my left index finger. Yes, really. The tip of my left index finger hurts. A lot.
I'm doing my best to fight it right now but I think tomorrow might be a not-so-great day.
Here's hoping I'm wrong.
And that my friends has been this week in Fibroland.
1.19.2017
Thursday Thoughts
A few random thoughts on a Thursday....
So...tomorrow is basically the end of the world as we know it.
Are you going to watch the ringmaster take the oath of office?
I'm not.
I'll be working. And trying to avoid social media for a while.
And maybe day drinking.
Anyway...today is one of 'those' days - I feel like the week is catching up with me.
I've been waking up every night in a lot of pain.
And I've been fighting brain fog all week.
Today might be the day where it all catches up with me.
I'm all tingly from head to toe (not in a good way).
My shoulders ache. My elbows hurt to touch.
Oh and I have the concentration of a gnat right now.
It is taking all my energy to actually write semi-coherent sentences.
I think I need a nap.
Or a vacation.
Or both.
A nap on a beach.
That would be idea.
OK.
Enough blathering on and on.
I better get some work done before the fog takes over.
So...tomorrow is basically the end of the world as we know it.
Are you going to watch the ringmaster take the oath of office?
I'm not.
I'll be working. And trying to avoid social media for a while.
And maybe day drinking.
Anyway...today is one of 'those' days - I feel like the week is catching up with me.
I've been waking up every night in a lot of pain.
And I've been fighting brain fog all week.
Today might be the day where it all catches up with me.
I'm all tingly from head to toe (not in a good way).
My shoulders ache. My elbows hurt to touch.
Oh and I have the concentration of a gnat right now.
It is taking all my energy to actually write semi-coherent sentences.
I think I need a nap.
Or a vacation.
Or both.
A nap on a beach.
That would be idea.
OK.
Enough blathering on and on.
I better get some work done before the fog takes over.
8.30.2016
Tuesday Thoughts: When You Wake Up and Everything Hurts
This whole fibromyalgia thing is a real pain in the ... EVERYTHING.
Seriously.
Last week was a craptastic week in FibroLand. My shoulder blades were screaming for DAYS ... it literally hurt to breathe. Think about that for a second.
It.
Hurt.
To.
Breathe.
I took a nap last Monday. And last Tuesday. And last Wednesday. By Thursday the shoulder blade pain had subsided quite a bit and I felt ... OK.
But here's the thing that you might not understand.
My "OK" is not like your "OK."
When I say I'm feeling OK it means my daily pain is a dull ache - and yes, it is daily. Every single day I am in pain to some level. Some days it's a dull ache. Other days my joints feel like bone on bone. Those are the days when I'm not "OK."
Last week I was not OK for most of the week.
But I had an OK weekend. I might have been out in the heat a bit too much on Sunday but we had a lovely family day at the lakeshore so it was worth the pain.
Yesterday was a busy day and it didn't end until almost 9 p.m. when I came home from Olivia's 7th grade open house. When I went to bed I could feel it - the pain was coming back. I woke up throughout the night in various states of discomfort - my hips, shoulders, and wrists were the culprits this time.
Today I woke up and - everything hurt. Everywhere. My back. My hips. My shoulders. My elbows. My wrists. I can feel that the weather is changing. I can feel the humidity and the rain that is on its way tonight.
When I put any sort of pressure on my hips it HURTS.
My shoulders HURT.
My elbows HURT and I can't rest them on the arm rests of my office chair.
Also, the tip of my left index finger hurts.
It's a thing. It's weird.
And, several of my fingers are "asleep."
Oh, and my entire body is tingling. Has been all day.
I don't feel like this every day.
But some days are worse than others.
And that my friends is my new normal.
Seriously.
Last week was a craptastic week in FibroLand. My shoulder blades were screaming for DAYS ... it literally hurt to breathe. Think about that for a second.
It.
Hurt.
To.
Breathe.
I took a nap last Monday. And last Tuesday. And last Wednesday. By Thursday the shoulder blade pain had subsided quite a bit and I felt ... OK.
But here's the thing that you might not understand.
My "OK" is not like your "OK."
When I say I'm feeling OK it means my daily pain is a dull ache - and yes, it is daily. Every single day I am in pain to some level. Some days it's a dull ache. Other days my joints feel like bone on bone. Those are the days when I'm not "OK."
Last week I was not OK for most of the week.
But I had an OK weekend. I might have been out in the heat a bit too much on Sunday but we had a lovely family day at the lakeshore so it was worth the pain.
Yesterday was a busy day and it didn't end until almost 9 p.m. when I came home from Olivia's 7th grade open house. When I went to bed I could feel it - the pain was coming back. I woke up throughout the night in various states of discomfort - my hips, shoulders, and wrists were the culprits this time.
Today I woke up and - everything hurt. Everywhere. My back. My hips. My shoulders. My elbows. My wrists. I can feel that the weather is changing. I can feel the humidity and the rain that is on its way tonight.
When I put any sort of pressure on my hips it HURTS.
My shoulders HURT.
My elbows HURT and I can't rest them on the arm rests of my office chair.
Also, the tip of my left index finger hurts.
It's a thing. It's weird.
And, several of my fingers are "asleep."
Oh, and my entire body is tingling. Has been all day.
I don't feel like this every day.
But some days are worse than others.
And that my friends is my new normal.
8.09.2016
Tuesday Thoughts - Let's Try This Again
So remember waaaayyy back at the beginning of the year when I was all "let's blog more!" and I started that "Monday Musings" thing?
Yeah?
No?
Well whatever.
It didn't work.
January suddenly turned into June and life was crazy and now it's August and I haven't blogged (again) in weeks. That's not to say that I have nothing to write about.
I do. I'm just .... busy.
Yeah who isn't busy these days, right?
Lame excuse I know.
Plus, I don't like blogging on Mondays.
So, this week we'll try something new: Tuesday Thoughts.
We'll see how long I can keep this up.
Here's what's happening in my fishbowl lately....
Fibro still sucks. Not that I thought it was going to 'get better' ... because let's face it - it isn't getting better. Manageable, maybe. If the weather is right and my mood is fine and I've had enough sleep. Then I can manage with little to no pain/discomfort/annoyance. Two weeks ago I overdid it for two days in a row and woke up on Wednesday really sick. I'm talking 'I only ate a little bit of real food, two pieces of toast, and a lot of Coca Cola' sick. Yeah. It was a no good horrible very bad day all around. By contrast, I felt great yesterday - the weather was wonderful and I had almost no pain. Today? The humidity returned and I felt like crap as soon as I woke up this morning. I'm pretty sure that the rest of the week will be challenging as I'm pushing myself to do A CRAPTON OF STUFF between now and Friday.
School starts next week. I swear the girls JUST got out of school in May and then I blinked and it is now August and time to go back to class. I think they're ready. I KNOW I'm ready. I love my kids but they need to go back and learn something aside from how to use Snapchat. School supplies are organized, new clothes will be purchase this weekend. Let's do this.
The talk. Olivia and I had 'the talk' last night. NO. Not THAT talk. The "period talk." (also: if Olivia ever reads my blog she'll kill me). I figured she's starting 7th grade and it was about time to have some girl talk. She also told me she's ready to start shaving her legs. (hold me). So...it's time to buy a razor and set up an "emergency period kit" that she can take to school for WHEN that time arrives. (as a side note to the universe: please let IT happen at home and not at school. OKthanksbye). Oh. My. God. My oldest is going to be 13 in FIVE months.
Bullet journals: I've tried to start a bullet journal ... TWICE. I've "failed" (in my own mind) twice. So I'm starting over. I bought a new journal, some supplies, and I'm going to take some time next week when the kids are at school and I'm home alone and I'll get this journal thing started. Finally. I love the idea of a bullet journal .... I just need to take the time to really do it the way I want it done (and stop worrying about how other bullet journals look on Pinterest).
And there you have it...my first installment of Tuesday Thoughts. Maybe this time - with the help of my soon-to-be-created bullet journal - I'll actually get some real blogging done again. ;)
Yeah?
No?
Well whatever.
It didn't work.
January suddenly turned into June and life was crazy and now it's August and I haven't blogged (again) in weeks. That's not to say that I have nothing to write about.
I do. I'm just .... busy.
Yeah who isn't busy these days, right?
Lame excuse I know.
Plus, I don't like blogging on Mondays.
So, this week we'll try something new: Tuesday Thoughts.
We'll see how long I can keep this up.
Here's what's happening in my fishbowl lately....
Fibro still sucks. Not that I thought it was going to 'get better' ... because let's face it - it isn't getting better. Manageable, maybe. If the weather is right and my mood is fine and I've had enough sleep. Then I can manage with little to no pain/discomfort/annoyance. Two weeks ago I overdid it for two days in a row and woke up on Wednesday really sick. I'm talking 'I only ate a little bit of real food, two pieces of toast, and a lot of Coca Cola' sick. Yeah. It was a no good horrible very bad day all around. By contrast, I felt great yesterday - the weather was wonderful and I had almost no pain. Today? The humidity returned and I felt like crap as soon as I woke up this morning. I'm pretty sure that the rest of the week will be challenging as I'm pushing myself to do A CRAPTON OF STUFF between now and Friday.
School starts next week. I swear the girls JUST got out of school in May and then I blinked and it is now August and time to go back to class. I think they're ready. I KNOW I'm ready. I love my kids but they need to go back and learn something aside from how to use Snapchat. School supplies are organized, new clothes will be purchase this weekend. Let's do this.
The talk. Olivia and I had 'the talk' last night. NO. Not THAT talk. The "period talk." (also: if Olivia ever reads my blog she'll kill me). I figured she's starting 7th grade and it was about time to have some girl talk. She also told me she's ready to start shaving her legs. (hold me). So...it's time to buy a razor and set up an "emergency period kit" that she can take to school for WHEN that time arrives. (as a side note to the universe: please let IT happen at home and not at school. OKthanksbye). Oh. My. God. My oldest is going to be 13 in FIVE months.
Bullet journals: I've tried to start a bullet journal ... TWICE. I've "failed" (in my own mind) twice. So I'm starting over. I bought a new journal, some supplies, and I'm going to take some time next week when the kids are at school and I'm home alone and I'll get this journal thing started. Finally. I love the idea of a bullet journal .... I just need to take the time to really do it the way I want it done (and stop worrying about how other bullet journals look on Pinterest).
And there you have it...my first installment of Tuesday Thoughts. Maybe this time - with the help of my soon-to-be-created bullet journal - I'll actually get some real blogging done again. ;)
7.20.2016
Another Day in FibroLand
Hot and humid days are no longer my friends, thanks to fibromyalgia.
Not that I really ever enjoyed the heat and humidity during the summer months, but at least B.F. (before fibro) I could tolerate them.
Now?
Well, now I know when I wake up what the weather is going to be like that day.
Yesterday it was warm (almost hot) and not too humid, but I woke up feeling "off." I was achy and tingly and my brain was frazzled for most of the day. I basically hated everyone and wasn't afraid to tell them.
Case in point: after spending several hours in the heat watching (from the comfort of my golf cart of course) the girls golf I was done. Guy rolls past me in his golf cart, dressed head to toe in all black (it WAS 90 degrees after all)..and all I couldthink say out loud was this gem: "Who the f*ck does he think he is, Johnny Cash?"
I couldn't help myself.
Apparently fibro = no filter anymore.
Mom says I need a new blog: Things Fibro Makes Me Say.
Might not be a bad idea.
Today the heat is rising and so is the humidity and I can feel it in my arms and hips and knees. It sucks because I can try to tell people how I feel but I know they don't understand. After the girls' golf match today I'm sure I'll be completely spent.
Tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday they are forecasting a heat index each day between 100 and 110 degrees. Me? I'll be staying inside. Hibernating.
Ah, another day in FibroLand. ;)
Not that I really ever enjoyed the heat and humidity during the summer months, but at least B.F. (before fibro) I could tolerate them.
Now?
Well, now I know when I wake up what the weather is going to be like that day.
Yesterday it was warm (almost hot) and not too humid, but I woke up feeling "off." I was achy and tingly and my brain was frazzled for most of the day. I basically hated everyone and wasn't afraid to tell them.
Case in point: after spending several hours in the heat watching (from the comfort of my golf cart of course) the girls golf I was done. Guy rolls past me in his golf cart, dressed head to toe in all black (it WAS 90 degrees after all)..and all I could
I couldn't help myself.
Apparently fibro = no filter anymore.
Mom says I need a new blog: Things Fibro Makes Me Say.
Might not be a bad idea.
Today the heat is rising and so is the humidity and I can feel it in my arms and hips and knees. It sucks because I can try to tell people how I feel but I know they don't understand. After the girls' golf match today I'm sure I'll be completely spent.
Tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday they are forecasting a heat index each day between 100 and 110 degrees. Me? I'll be staying inside. Hibernating.
Ah, another day in FibroLand. ;)
7.06.2016
Wednesday in FibroLand
When people ask "how do you feel?" I'm not sure if it's easier for me to say "today kind of sucks" or to say something along the lines of this:
Today when I woke up, I was stiff from head to knee. My ankle was wrapped in a compression sock because it was swollen twice the normal size last night (continued tendonitis issue). I took a few minutes to VERY SLOWLY sit up in bed, stretching my joints so I could actually get out of bed. I walked downstairs - stiffly - and as the next 30 minutes wore on the stiffness wore off. But I could still feel the aches in my limbs and joints. For me, the shoulders, elbows, and hips are my worst points. Today I felt the most pain in my shoulders. It's a constant ache, it never really "goes away." If I sit for too long at my desk I stiffen up from head to toe. It's a good thing my Apple Watch tells me stand every now and then, otherwise Kevin might come home to find me stuck in my chair. Tonight as I'm typing this both of my arms are tingling from shoulder to fingertip. You know that tingling feeling you get when your feet fall asleep? Yeah? Imagine your arms feeling like that. Or your whole body. It isn't pleasant - my arms felt like that for an hour. Now it's just a dull tingle combined with a dull ache. Joy.
Of course, that's just how I felt today.
Tomorrow will be a different story.
I've been wondering if this whole tingly-feeling is me being "crazy" or if it really is a "fibro thing." According to my rhuematologist (who is so effing cool)...it's "normal." Or at least it's normal for my fibro.
See, the thing is - according to my doctor and other things I've read - everyone's fibro is different. Some people don't have a lot of pain, but they have debilitating fatigue. Some people have pain so severe they can't get out of bed.
Me?
Apparently I am overly sensitive to the sensation of "touch" ... among other things like the whole body tingling feeling. (Maybe this explains why I'm not that big on hugging). My doc says not everyone with fibro has that sensitivity .. but I do. And to be told that I'm not crazy for that was a bit refreshing.
So there you have it - a day in the life of me as I try to navigate this fibro thing.
Onward and upward....
Today when I woke up, I was stiff from head to knee. My ankle was wrapped in a compression sock because it was swollen twice the normal size last night (continued tendonitis issue). I took a few minutes to VERY SLOWLY sit up in bed, stretching my joints so I could actually get out of bed. I walked downstairs - stiffly - and as the next 30 minutes wore on the stiffness wore off. But I could still feel the aches in my limbs and joints. For me, the shoulders, elbows, and hips are my worst points. Today I felt the most pain in my shoulders. It's a constant ache, it never really "goes away." If I sit for too long at my desk I stiffen up from head to toe. It's a good thing my Apple Watch tells me stand every now and then, otherwise Kevin might come home to find me stuck in my chair. Tonight as I'm typing this both of my arms are tingling from shoulder to fingertip. You know that tingling feeling you get when your feet fall asleep? Yeah? Imagine your arms feeling like that. Or your whole body. It isn't pleasant - my arms felt like that for an hour. Now it's just a dull tingle combined with a dull ache. Joy.
Of course, that's just how I felt today.
Tomorrow will be a different story.
I've been wondering if this whole tingly-feeling is me being "crazy" or if it really is a "fibro thing." According to my rhuematologist (who is so effing cool)...it's "normal." Or at least it's normal for my fibro.
See, the thing is - according to my doctor and other things I've read - everyone's fibro is different. Some people don't have a lot of pain, but they have debilitating fatigue. Some people have pain so severe they can't get out of bed.
Me?
Apparently I am overly sensitive to the sensation of "touch" ... among other things like the whole body tingling feeling. (Maybe this explains why I'm not that big on hugging). My doc says not everyone with fibro has that sensitivity .. but I do. And to be told that I'm not crazy for that was a bit refreshing.
So there you have it - a day in the life of me as I try to navigate this fibro thing.
Onward and upward....
7.02.2016
Diagnosis.
OK, here it is you guys.
The moment you've all (and by "all" I mean the two people other than my mom who happen to still read this blog) been waiting for.
Drum roll please.
Remember how I mentioned a few posts back that I've been dealing with some "medical stuff" but didn't want to delve into it at the moment?
No?
Well, trust me, I did mention it.
Long story super short: I've been dealing with odd aches and pains since about January, maybe earlier. I've also been feeling "off" and "out of sorts" and more tired than normal. And I've been sleeping for CRAP.
I'm talking the worst sleep ever - even worse than when I was 9 months pregnant and sleeping on the couch because I was so uncomfortable. We're talking about horrible, shitty, awful sleep. Waking up in pain at 3 a.m. every f*cking night kind of sleep.
Oh, and my moods? Holy Toledo I've been a bitch.
I mean....more so than normal.
So...(remember this is the short version)....I went to my doctor who ran some blood work, thinking I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. Blood work came back "not normal" so she sent me to a Rheumatologist. He examined me, did more blood work (tested for RA, Lupus, Vitamin D deficiency, and thyroid disease) and.....the final diagnosis?
I know you're on the edge of your freaking seat, aren't ya?
Well...I don't have any of those diseases.
Nope.
The "good news" according to my rheumatologist is that I have Fibromyalgia.
(I have to note that spellcheck doesn't even think Fibromyalgia is a word. It's underlined in red as if I spelled it wrong or made it up. Trust me, I didn't).
So yeah.
There it is.
After months of wondering WHAT THE HELL was wrong with me and why I felt like total crap...I have an answer.
Can't say it's the answer I wanted.
Not that I wanted ANY of those illnesses.
But I'm not really happy about this one either.
Bright side: at least now when my shoulders, arms, elbows, wrists, back, and hips hurt to varying degrees EVERY F*CKING DAY I can blame it on Fibro. And when I forget why the hell I went downstairs I can blame it on Fibro. And when I NEED to go to bed at 8:30 at night on any given night because it hurts to move/walk/breathe (and I feel physically sick from pain like I did Tuesday night), I can blame it on Fibro.
So what am I going to do about this?
Well, I'm not going to take medicine.
I'm sure you've seen the commercials for various Rx meds for people with Fibro. I'm not taking ANY of them. Why? (1) Because I detest taking medicine and (2) because they are only going to mask my symptoms. There is NO CURE for this illness.
I am stuck with Fibro for now and forever.
So what am I doing about it?
Well...(here's where you might laugh)
I'm going to start yoga.
...Namaste bitches. ;)...
And I am going to try acupuncture ... because being stuck with needles sounds so pleasant.
And I'm going to drink healthy smoothies for breakfast.
And I am eventually going to switch to half-decaf coffee.
And I am going to losesome many LBS.
And I'm going to keep on keeping on and NOT let this drag me down.
I refuse to let Fibro define ME.
I'm still me...I just happen to hurt every day and take sleeping pills now to help me sleep (they don't help). But I'm still alive and standing and dripping with snark and sarcasm. I'm still doing what I was doing before this stupid diagnosis - working, doing laundry, cooking meals, playing with my kids, golfing (poorly), and going out with friends. I just happen to do it all with Fibro tagging along like that painful bitch she is.
Also, if you ask me "how are you doing today?" I'm probably going to tell you "I'm fine" even when I'm not (unless you're my mom or sister or husband and then I'll bitch and moan about all of it and how much it all sucks so F*CKING much). And maybe on that given day I really am "fine" (like today...today was a freaking ah-mazing day). Or maybe I'm not fine. You might never know.
So there it is.
And if you're so inclined and want to learn more about Fibromyalgia you can visit this website.
The moment you've all (and by "all" I mean the two people other than my mom who happen to still read this blog) been waiting for.
Drum roll please.
Remember how I mentioned a few posts back that I've been dealing with some "medical stuff" but didn't want to delve into it at the moment?
No?
Well, trust me, I did mention it.
Long story super short: I've been dealing with odd aches and pains since about January, maybe earlier. I've also been feeling "off" and "out of sorts" and more tired than normal. And I've been sleeping for CRAP.
I'm talking the worst sleep ever - even worse than when I was 9 months pregnant and sleeping on the couch because I was so uncomfortable. We're talking about horrible, shitty, awful sleep. Waking up in pain at 3 a.m. every f*cking night kind of sleep.
Oh, and my moods? Holy Toledo I've been a bitch.
I mean....more so than normal.
So...(remember this is the short version)....I went to my doctor who ran some blood work, thinking I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. Blood work came back "not normal" so she sent me to a Rheumatologist. He examined me, did more blood work (tested for RA, Lupus, Vitamin D deficiency, and thyroid disease) and.....the final diagnosis?
I know you're on the edge of your freaking seat, aren't ya?
Well...I don't have any of those diseases.
Nope.
The "good news" according to my rheumatologist is that I have Fibromyalgia.
(I have to note that spellcheck doesn't even think Fibromyalgia is a word. It's underlined in red as if I spelled it wrong or made it up. Trust me, I didn't).
So yeah.
There it is.
After months of wondering WHAT THE HELL was wrong with me and why I felt like total crap...I have an answer.
Can't say it's the answer I wanted.
Not that I wanted ANY of those illnesses.
But I'm not really happy about this one either.
Bright side: at least now when my shoulders, arms, elbows, wrists, back, and hips hurt to varying degrees EVERY F*CKING DAY I can blame it on Fibro. And when I forget why the hell I went downstairs I can blame it on Fibro. And when I NEED to go to bed at 8:30 at night on any given night because it hurts to move/walk/breathe (and I feel physically sick from pain like I did Tuesday night), I can blame it on Fibro.
So what am I going to do about this?
Well, I'm not going to take medicine.
I'm sure you've seen the commercials for various Rx meds for people with Fibro. I'm not taking ANY of them. Why? (1) Because I detest taking medicine and (2) because they are only going to mask my symptoms. There is NO CURE for this illness.
I am stuck with Fibro for now and forever.
So what am I doing about it?
Well...(here's where you might laugh)
I'm going to start yoga.
...Namaste bitches. ;)...
And I am going to try acupuncture ... because being stuck with needles sounds so pleasant.
And I'm going to drink healthy smoothies for breakfast.
And I am eventually going to switch to half-decaf coffee.
And I am going to lose
And I'm going to keep on keeping on and NOT let this drag me down.
I refuse to let Fibro define ME.
I'm still me...I just happen to hurt every day and take sleeping pills now to help me sleep (they don't help). But I'm still alive and standing and dripping with snark and sarcasm. I'm still doing what I was doing before this stupid diagnosis - working, doing laundry, cooking meals, playing with my kids, golfing (poorly), and going out with friends. I just happen to do it all with Fibro tagging along like that painful bitch she is.
Also, if you ask me "how are you doing today?" I'm probably going to tell you "I'm fine" even when I'm not (unless you're my mom or sister or husband and then I'll bitch and moan about all of it and how much it all sucks so F*CKING much). And maybe on that given day I really am "fine" (like today...today was a freaking ah-mazing day). Or maybe I'm not fine. You might never know.
So there it is.
And if you're so inclined and want to learn more about Fibromyalgia you can visit this website.
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