Good-bye to good customer service

Dear Fifth Third Bank,

You need to understand something.

Today I was THISCLOSE to ending my banking relationship with you completely.
As it stands, you are currently IN the dog house and you won't be let out anytime soon.

Today one of your "customer services" representatives called my house (on a Saturday morning...what the HELL is up with that Fifth Third?). The initial purpose of the call was to inform us that our car payment was past due and if we didn't pay you'd be sending us to collections.

Funny thing is - we DON'T OWN THAT CAR anymore. We traded it in two weeks ago and the car dealer is paying off the loan.

Your customer service person didn't (1) understand English and (2) therefore didn't understand that we don't own the car and therefore wouldn't be paying the December payment. "Oh I see you are good customer and always pay on time. But you late this time. You must pay."

No stupid.
The car dealer is paying off the entire loan.

Then, Louis the "customer service rep" says he's transferring us to the mortgage department because our mortgage is late and they need to talk to us.

FOR THE RECORD: Our mortgage payment has NEVER EVER EVER EVER been late. Why? Because it is taken directly out of our account EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY MONTH on the 14th of the month. You know, the date we picked when we refinanced our mortgage with YOUR BANK.

So now I get to talk to Alexandra who starts telling me that my mortgage is late. I tell her to "stop talking" and then notify her that I'm looking at my bank statement and funny thing, the December mortgage was paid. On time. Just like always.

Oh no, she says, your January mortgage is LATE.

Um, no. It's not. It will be paid on the 14th. Just like always.

Oh no. It's late. You see, it's technically due on the FIRST OF THE MONTH and since you haven't paid it, we MUST call you and let you know it's late.

I have paid it on the 14th for as long as we've owned the house and now you're telling me that Fifth Third changed the rules and you're going to call me EVERY SINGLE MONTH on the 7th of the month to inform me that it's late?

Yes. We are.

And then, things got really unfriendly. Fifth Third's lovely Alexandra begins telling me that she would be MORE THAN HAPPY to give me information on foreclosure, forbearance, debt counseling, debt reduction or "anything else" that I might need in order to be able to PAY MY MORTGAGE ON TIME.

I'm pretty sure I lost it a bit on the phone.
I think it was at this point that I told her to shut up.

How dare YOU treat me like this? How dare you imply that I am close to foreclosure on my house when I pay my mortgage on time every single month? How dare you.

Well, I can give the phone number for the Department of Housing if you'd like. You know, with the economy how it is, people need help.

Yes, I do know what the economy is like. And no, I don't need your help. You have NO RIGHT to treat me like this. I pay my mortgage every month. It is not late this month. Nor was it late at any other time. I suggest you make a note in my file to not call me again and tell me that my mortgage is late. I pay it on the 14th of every month and that is NOT going to change.

I can do that. But I can also give you information on foreclosure or anything else.

No. You may not do that. And believe me, I will be calling corporate on Monday and speaking to someone in charge.I will not be treated this way. You were completely disrespectful to me and I will not tolerate this.

Fine. You do that. 

So, Fifth Third, be prepared Monday morning. I'm calling and I'm not a happy customer. This will not be a pleasant phone call. For you.

Sincerely,
Traci



And that my dear readers, is apparently the 'new' rule at Fifth Third Bank. They are going to call their mortgage customers every month if they don't pay their mortgage on the first of the month. And they are going to tell you that your mortgage is late. Even when it isn't.