Nevertheless, She Persisted

Oh Mitch McConnell. You weak, spineless, sniveling, man-child. You just cannot tolerate a woman in power. An intelligent, well-spoken, respected, outspoken woman in a position of power makes you feel week and inferior, doesn't she?

That's why last night you "warned" Senator Elizabeth Warren about the words she was speaking. And yet she persisted to speak. And you couldn't have that because HOW DARE SHE cross YOU. I mean, you're the guy in charge, right? How dare a woman speak her mind. That is unheard of.

And so ...

You mansplained it to her. You warned her.
And she persisted.

Good.

You see, I worked for men like you before. Weak, threatened by women who speak their mind (hell, men like you are threatened by women in every aspect of life). Men like you are the reason women still make less than men in the workforce. You're the reason we're STILL fighting for control over OUR OWN BODIES. You're the reason women are often treated as less than.

You are a weak, small-minded, sexist, mysognistic man-child. You wish women still stayed at home. But instead you're surrounded by intelligent, well-spoken, and outspoken women in Congress. And they aren't afraid of you. They know you're weak and malevolent and immature.

So you might have thought last night that you showed Elizabeth Warren who was "boss." You might have thought you put her in her rightful place.

But you're so wrong.

All you did was embolden a whole lot of strong, outspoken, intelligent women to stand up, speak out, and resist. Hell, we're even using your bullshit line ... "she was warned. she was given an explanation. nevertheless she persisted" - as a call to arms. We're posting it on our FB profiles. We're tweeting about it. We're hastagging the shit out of it. Oh, and as of right now about 8.5 MILLION people have watched that Facebook live video of Sen. Warren reading Coretta Scott King's letter.

Bet you weren't prepared for that, were you?
Of course you weren't.
You thought she (and we) would go silently into the night.

You were so wrong.

Also, I'm pretty sure "nevertheless, she persisted" WILL be part of Sen. Warren's 2020 presidential bid. So thanks for the tagline.

Now go crawl back into the hole from which you emerged you sexist, neanderthal pig.

Basketball Diaries, Chapter 2

Because it's what I do, I posted on Facebook about yesterday's basketball game.

My post: "The point of recreation league basketball at the 4th grade level should be to have FUN. But when your kid ends the game in tears because a player from the opposing team shoved her to the ground .... it's not fun. Also, every team should be held to the same standards and rules [and there should also be a SET of rules to follow] otherwise what's the point? These girls on the other teams aren't learning the game, they're only being taught to win no matter the cost. I have a problem with that."

I had several responses that were supportive but something someone said left me scratching my head.

In response to a comment from a parent I said: "It just drives me crazy that these coaches are teaching the girls to be mean - like why is that a requirement for basketball? The screaming in other player's faces blows my mind. I mean, I know basketball can be rough but there's "playing hard" and then there's just playing stupid." 

And this was the response in part: "They have taught our girls to do that [scream in other player's faces] to distract. It's just a tactic most teams use."

Wait. 
Wot? 

Coaches are teaching players to SCREAM IN THEIR OPPONENT'S FACES as a distraction tactic? WTAF. 

This is not OK in any way. 
Do you see college players doing this? Do you see professional players doing this? 
Since when did it become acceptable to scream in another person's face to "distract" them? 

Another friend offered these gems: "A lot of parents and coaches are trying to re-live their youth through their kids. Shameful." ... and "Lord help our society. And now we have a terrible example in the white house. Ugh."

I just have to wonder when ti became OK to essentially teach our kids to bully other players on the court or the field. I get that there's smack talk in any sport but screaming in someone's face seems so .... pathetic.

If your players aren't capable of learning the proper rules of a game and playing defense (or offense) in the proper way perhaps they are better suited to something else. And if the "coaches" can't manage to teach their teams how to play by the rules then perhaps they need to do something else too. 

I'm trying to teach my kids to play by the rules and respect the game and other players. Emma plays hard on the court but she would never scream in another player's face just to "distract" them. That's just unacceptable behavior. 

Basketball Diaries

Emma plays basketball for the local "recreational" league. See, our school district has no sports teams until 7th grade so all the kids in the district have to play for this league (or some other league).

On the league's website they state: "Our programs focus on the enjoyment of playing basketball in an organized setting, as well as fundamental training through the drills necessary to properly develop."

I call bullshit on this. 

We've been part of this program since Liv was in 4th grade and every year it gets worse. There is no "enjoyment" when it comes to the weekly games.

The majority of the coaches in this league - let's remember that this year I'm talking about FOURTH GRADE GIRLS - are only in it to win it. At any cost. 

The team we played today were rude, crass, and super physical. Like throwing elbows to the throat and shoving players to the ground. Which, in a normal game with REAL refs might actually be called as fouls. But not in today's game. 

Nope. Today the "ref" (I use that term really lightly) didn't call one single foul.

Now let's think about this for a sec. In basketball fouls are called on players for specific violations. It's a common and accepted part of the game. But in this league in grades K-4 fouls are only called IF the ref decides he feels like calling them. And then when the players get to 5th grade fouls MUST be called. But by this point the kids don't know why they are getting fouls called on behavior that was ACCEPTED SINCE KINDERGARTEN. 

See? Zero consistency. 

Oh and let's talk about the coaches. Last week we had the meathead who kept screaming "get your man!" to a group of 4th grade GIRLS. (And NO. I don't give two hoots that it's called man-on-man play. They're girls. Call them girls). This week? Oh, we had a real peach as the opposing team's coach - she was cheering as her girls threw elbows to the throats and SCREAMED in our player's faces. 

Being unable to control myself I actually yelled toward her (not at her...just in her general direction) "Seriously?!?" as the girls screamed in our players' faces, and she decided to yell at me "Stay on your side!" and something else that I can't recall. I'm pretty sure I responded in kind. I don't tolerate grownups mouthing off at me. 

At the end of the game a player on the opposing team shoved Emma to the ground so hard that she ended up in tears. This is not normal for Emma to cry in a game so I know it hurt. And....no whistle, no foul, no nothing.

Everything about this "league" is laughable from the management to the coaching to the "refs." I'm pretty sure this will be the last year we play in this "league." 

If their goal is to teach these kids the rules and regulations of the game they are failing in a spectacular manner.

Farewell January

I've said this before and I'll keep saying it.
If it wasn't for the fact that BOTH OF MY KIDS were born in January I would despise this month.

But as it is, there are two really great days in January.
So I give the LONGEST MONTH EVER a pass.
For the most part.

However, this January has been a real bear (except for those two days).
The month has dragged on FOREVER.
Like for reals.
I thought it would never end.

I blame January 20 for the shit factor this month.
I mean, if we're being totally honest here, that day sucked.
A lot.

And it hasn't gotten better since.
In fact, it's getting worse every damn day.

I'm literally waiting for the day when we're all assigned districts a la The Hunger Games.
I just have one request - please give us Finnick Odair.
Kthanxbye.

Seriously though.
I think we're past the whole 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' part of this shit show.
Now we're just waiting for the impeachment.
I'll be popping popcorn for that. ;-)

So goodbye January.
Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.

Also: #Resist

Resistance is NOT Ridiculous

For less than a week (OMG it seems SO MUCH FUCKING LONGER THAN THAT) I've been listening to the new "administration" spew bullshit and lies and half truths and alternative facts.

I've also been watching good, honest people stand up and resist. I know many people who didn't watch the inauguration last Friday (and oh how I wish I had missed it too). I know others who marched in one of the many Women's Marches last weekend (again, wishing I would have marched). And every day I see people posting their thoughts, opinions, and FEARS on social media.

At the same time I am watching and listening as those who support/like/trust the new president and his gang of old white men talk about how stupid we are for protesting. Talking about how we need to accept what has happened and move one and suck it up. How we should blindly follow the president and his merry band of assholes because HE'S OUR PRESIDENT TOO.

Today I saw someone post on Facebook - in response to the story of people hanging a "resist" banner from a crane in D.C. - "Enough people. You look so dumb."

And that was enough for me.

For the last six (seriously? IT'S ONLY BEEN SIX DAYS???) days I've felt this anger bubbling up. Hell, it even has my fibro all flared up I'm so angry and pissed off.

I have never - in all my almost 44 years of life - seen this country in such a fucked up state as it is in right now. I have never seen or heard so many adults with such worry and anger in their voice - at the same time, mind you.

Don't you DARE tell me to stop fighting or stop resisting or stop posting anti-Trump messages on my Facebook page or my Twitter account or my blog (not that anyone has ... YET .. but now you've been warned).

You want to know why I'm scared and pissed off? Because this president seems hell-bent on destroying the TRUTH with his bullshit "alternative facts" narrative. Because he doesn't seem to comprehend the First Amendment and all that is built upon those rights. Because he wants to destroy a woman's right to choose what is best for HER BODY. Because he wants to take health care away from 20 million Americans. Because he is leading us down a path that I never thought we could go down.

I've heard people say that it shouldn't be personal.
Guess what? It IS personal.

If the ACA is revoked and people can once again be denied health insurance because of pre-existing conditions that means that Olivia could potentially be denied health insurance at some point in her life. It means that if I ever have to get insurance on my own I could be denied. If the ACA is revoked I will lose my free birth control (and YES I can afford to pay for it, but the government shouldn't get to dictate that).

I could go on and on.

But instead I'll say this: How dare YOU think that you can tell anyone that they look "dumb" fighting for what they believe is right and just. How dare you think you have the right to tell us to "suck it up" and "deal with it." Because nothing he does will ever be OK or normal. We are not living in normal times and I fear that it will get worse before it gets better.

There's a reason George Orwell's 1984 is back on the best seller list.

I will continue to resist and fight and speak my mind. And if anyone doesn't like it you can (1) unfollow me on Facebook, (2) unfriend me on Facebook, (3) unfollow this blog, and (4) unfollow my Twitter account.

January 20

Today was not a happy day.

It felt a lot like the day after Election Day.
But much worse.

I cried when I watched President Obama walk out of the White House for the last time as Commander-in-Chief. (At the same time I was yelling at He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named to button his damn suit jacket. Seriously.)

I did my best to NOT watch the shitshow inauguration but I did see him take the oath of office. I walked away when he started to talk.

From what I'm seeing online his speech was basically red meat for his "followers" and was full of cynicism, one-liners, and bullshit. Pretty much what I expected it would be.

My Timehop from 8 years ago today was filled with memories like this: "so freaking excited about today! YAY Prez Obama!", and "Oh my gosh. Look @ that crowd!", and "is thrilled to be witnessing history.", and "is so happy!", and finally "amazing speech." (Another favorite was "bye bye George.").

Today I am not happy.
I'm unsettled.
And angry.
And worried.

I think we're all in for a very bumpy ride.

Teddy ... Otherwise Known as 'Worry Cat'

As I mentioned earlier today - the world could possibly end tomorrow.

More likely though is the sad reality that we're stuck with a reality show con man for president for the next four years.

Which leaves the majority of us (you know, the popular vote that went to Hillary) feeling a lot of unease, dread, sadness, and angst.

Teddy's face sums it up best:

Oh, Teddy. I like to call him "Worry Cat" because that look right there - the one with the sad, worried eyes - that's his normal face.

And so, I think Teddy will become our mascot for the next four years. Hell, he might even get his own blog (thanks for the suggestion Melissa!). He can wear the look of worry and unease for all of us.

Thursday Thoughts

A few random thoughts on a Thursday....

So...tomorrow is basically the end of the world as we know it.
Are you going to watch the ringmaster take the oath of office?
I'm not.
I'll be working. And trying to avoid social media for a while.
And maybe day drinking.

Anyway...today is one of 'those' days - I feel like the week is catching up with me.
I've been waking up every night in a lot of pain.
And I've been fighting brain fog all week.
Today might be the day where it all catches up with me.

I'm all tingly from head to toe (not in a good way).
My shoulders ache. My elbows hurt to touch.
Oh and I have the concentration of a gnat right now.
It is taking all my energy to actually write semi-coherent sentences.

I think I need a nap.
Or a vacation.
Or both.
A nap on a beach.
That would be idea.

OK.
Enough blathering on and on.
I better get some work done before the fog takes over.

Love Trumps Hate

Back in November, after the election was over and I was feeling rather distraught and angry, I decided to hang a sign in my office window. It was a sign that we picked up at the Hillary Clinton office here in town and I decided I would leave it up for as long as was necessary (at least four year at this point, right?)

So now it's January and I don't often think about the sign, except when I happen to drive by my house and see it. I also never gave much thought to whether or not anyone else saw the sign.

Then...

Today I received a note in the mail.
It was from a person I've never met.

The note read:

Traci - 
We've never met before - unless we have passed each other on Halloween, but I live in your neighborhood and drive past your house daily. I wanted to Thank You for your sign in your window. When the days are horrific and I read again and again of the awful things happening in our current governmental leadership, the racism and hate crimes and just the uphill battle of it all, your window makes me smile. It lets me know that you are there and we have an ally close by. Thank you for your presence. 

Always stronger together,
(there was a name but I'm not publishing the name)

You guys.
I was standing in my kitchen crying after I read this.
To know that someone saw this sign and feels better and safer because of it?
All the feels. 

After watching the slightly terrifying (OK, really terrifying) "press conference" from He Who Shall Not Be Named (on this blog) and feeling very angry and defeated it was amazing to read something like this from a complete stranger.

Because honestly, we're going to need to meet those strangers and become friends and allies in person and fight the good fight. Stronger together is the ONLY way we're going to get through the next four years.

Love trumps hate.
Never forget that.

Happy New Year!

Yes, I realize that today is the SECOND day of 2017, but I was busy yesterday.
Doing nothing. ;)
So Happy New Year today.

I've been seriously neglecting this blog (and my allergy blog too) so I'm going to try my best to actually BLOG about life this year.

NO.
I'm not making a resolution because I don't do that.
I'm simply stating that I have a lot to say (and I'm sure after the world goes to shit on January 20 I'll have more to say..provided we're all still here).

And this blog is the perfect vessel for all that I have to say.

Also, I've been blogging since....2005 (!!!)... so it's too late to quit now. ;-)

As it is in the next four weeks the Tweeter-in-Chief is going to be sworn in (God help us all), my oldest turns 13, and my youngest turns 10.

Also happening this year: my husband turns 50, we celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary, and I'll be 44.

Yeah. I just realized that last part.
I forgot I was going to be 44.
WTF.

So yeah.
I think I'll have a lot to blog about this year.

And, if you don't like swearing or sarcasm or politics ... you should probably remove this blog from your bookmarks because I predict there will be A LOT of that happening this year.

Happy 2017.
May the odds be ever in OUR favor.

Tuesday Thoughts: A Week Later

So here we are, one week after Election Day 2016 (aka: The End of Days).

Am I still angry about the outcome?
Yep.
Am I still posting political stuff on Facebook and Twitter?
Yep. (And I'll get to that more in a bit)

But, here's the thing: in the midst of my anger and (yes, really) despair about what happened last week I am finding resolve and positive thoughts. Do I still think we, as a country, are headed down a path that is equal parts terrifying and uncharted? Damn right. But I am convinced that there is a huge group of folks out there who are willing to fight back.

And for my part I'm involved in another campaign for 2017 and that is likely just the start of my part of the fight.

I'm also trying to remain positive and do things that make me happy.

Like, decorating for Christmas.
On November 14.

Yes, really.

Last night Kevin said "we should decorate" and the girls were really excited about it ... so who was I to say no? [I did say 'no' to Walt the Elf on the Shelf coming back. It's way too soon for that nonsense].

And to be honest sitting next to the tree last night, sipping a cuppa tea, was very relaxing. It was happiness in the midst of impending darkness.

So yeah.
I decorated for Christmas.
On November 14.
Deal with it.

Which brings me to my other thought for today. I've seen several people posting on FB about how THEY THINK we should all stop posting about politics and how we should "unlike" sites like MSNBC, Vox, The Daily Kos, etc. Basically telling people that they're tired of hearing about it and therefore we should all shut up.

Well guess what?
That's not going to happen any time soon on my FB page.
So, if you're tired of seeing political posts you best unfollow or unfriend me now.

Because in case you aren't aware there is a revolution starting and that means this is NOT the time to sit back and shut up.

This is the time to speak up, speak out, be heard, and let those who think they're going to silence entire religions or groups of people know that we will not be silent. I will continue to speak up and speak out because that is MY right. And if we stop speaking up and speaking out then THEY win. Again. And that is not OK.

So there you have it.
I decorated for Christmas
And I'm going to keep posting political stuff.
Because I can.
;)

Happy Tuesday.

A New Day

Yesterday I cried.
A lot.

And then I got mad.
Really, really angry.
Pissed off.

And I resolved to fight against what has happened to this country.

My candidate won the popular vote.
If we didn't have such a f*cked up system she would be president.

Instead, we have a racist, sexist, nationalist, xenophobic clown taking over the Oval Office in 71 days.

I hate clowns.
They're frightening.

Last night I watched as thousands of people marched in protest over the election results.
That made me smile.

I love that we live in a country with freedom of speech and freedom of assembly.
And I hope these protests continue for the next four years.
They don't have to be huge protests, but we must continue to fight the good fight.

We have to fight for our rights. Fight for the foundations of this republic. Fight for those who can't fight.

Yesterday we had a breakfast for parents at the elementary school. It was more like a wake after a funeral - no one was talking, everyone was somber. Today we had another breakfast and the mood had shifted. It was as if everyone shook off the fear and uncertainty and sadness of November 9 and made the decision that life must go on and we will still keep doing what we've always done in the face of something horrific.

We come together as a country and fight like hell.

I'm in.
Are you?

Now What?

I don't even know where to begin today.

I've been staring at this screen for a while, wondering how to put into words the despair, sadness, and disgust that I'm feeling.

I can't even reconcile the words in my head right now: Donald Trump is our next president.

This seriously has to be some sort of sick, twisted alternate reality.
It can't be real.
This can't really be happening.

But then I remember - it really did happen. The country just elected a reality tv star with NO political experience - who also happens to be a sexist racist nationalist xenophobe - to the highest office in the land.

Today is the end of the Democratic party and the GOP. In one swift move both political parties have written their obituaries and now the American public is left wondering where in the hell do we go from here.

Sure, there are people who are happy that Trump won. I know a few of those people. I don't understand how anyone can be happy about this.

There is nothing to be joyous about.
There is no happiness.
Right now all I see is darkness and sadness and uncertainty and fear.

When I woke this morning to the nightmare realization that he had been elected I sat in my bed and cried. I am crying now as I type this.

I am sad.
And scared.
And fearful.
And worried.
And confused.

I fear for our country's future. And what this will mean for my daughters. And what this will mean for the world. I fear for the future of the Supreme Court and women's rights and LGBTQ rights and I am scared for Muslims, and blacks, and Latinos, and yes even white middle class women like myself.

I've been voting since 1992 and I've never felt so much despair after an election. I have been angry about results before (2000 I'm looking at you) but I've never felt such overwhelming sadness. 

And yet, I get it. People wanted change. They wanted something different. But this? This isn't the way to do it. Electing a man who wants to build a wall and ban an entire religion and take away women's rights and LGBTQ rights....that isn't change. That is taking our country back decades and that is not OK.

Beyond my sadness though is an anger toward the Democrats that I didn't think was possible for me to feel. My party has failed me and this country. They refused to listen to the millions of people who voted for Bernie Sanders - people who wanted change and voted for that change. I firmly believe that if Bernie had been on the ticket - even as a VP - we would be having a totally different conversation today.

And for that I am angry. 

So now what?

A friend posted on Facebook that now is the time to fight darkness with light. He said "we mourn and bury our dead and we fight." 

So, now we fight. We surround ourselves with our friends and neighbors and we vow to protect those who need protecting. We continue to fight for the rights of those who are targeted, for those who need protecting, and for those who are marginalized, and for those who fear their rights will be stripped away.

We fight for the America that we want to have.
We fight for civil rights and equality and love.

We fight with our words and our love of country and our determination to make this world a better place for our kids and grandkids. We fight with our votes whether that is on a local or national level. We fight in two years in the midterms.

And, we fight again in four years.

Today we find ourselves standing on the precipice, staring into the dark abyss of the next four years. As a country we've been on the brink before and somehow we make it through the darkness into the light. The only way to get through this is to stand together and stand for what is right and just and fair.

We need to channel our sadness and fear and anger into a fight for justice and equality and prosperity and love. That is the ONLY way we can set this country back on the right path. It might take some time but nothing that is worth it is ever easy.

Election Day

Today has been rather surreal.
And it's ONLY 9 a.m.

My day started at 5 a.m. when I was interviewed on the BBC's Victoria Derbyshire Programme.
In the United Kingdom.

So....long story short: Yesterday a reporter from the BBC contacted me via Twitter to ask if I would be interested in being interviewed as a "swing state" voter on this BBC current affairs show. I said yes and then spoke to the reporter for about 30 minutes on the phone.

Today, I had to be up at 4:30 to be ready for my Skype call from the BBC.
(How weird does that sound?!?)

I was part of a panel that included another Hillary supporter from Florida, a very angry Trump supporter from Nevada, and a 21-year-old college student from Iowa who was voting for Trump because he hated Hillary. Yes, really.

In all, I think I spoke for about one minute (maybe two) but it was still super cool.
I got interviewed on the freaking BBC!

And then I went to vote.
At 6:30 a.m.
With the kids and Kevin.

It was really cool to see a rather long line at the polling place.
And it was REALLY amazing to vote for Hillary.
History was made with that vote. 

Here's hoping for the right result tonight.

November

Well would ya look at this?
It's November 1.
And I'm blogging.
Seems like a good way to start the month I guess.

Not sure what the hell happened in October, but somehow the month got away from me and I didn't blog.

Whatevs. ;)

So here we are ONE WEEK away from Election Day and I am SO SICK AND TIRED OF POLITICS RIGHT NOW.

Seriously.
I am a political news junkie but right now it's all so damn exhausting.
This election is beyond ridiculous.
And I really can't wait until it is over.

I'm voting for Hillary.
I think Trump is a sexist, racist, misogynistic asshat and I hope he sulks in Trump Tower for MONTHS after he loses. 

And that's all I have to say about that.

November is actually one of my favorite months - mostly because Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays (Halloween used to hold the top spot but I'm debating giving it to Turkey Day). So here's hoping for a Democratic sweep next week. And maybe, just maybe, I'll blog more (that way my mom can't PM me to tell me I haven't blogged in weeks. LOL!! HI MOM!)

Here's to a good month. ;)

That Time I Met Jerry Seinfeld and Realized He Wasn't That Funny

Today I went to the movies with my mom and sister and as is the case when you're at the movies, a small popcorn and frozen Coke was necessary.

So my sister and I are standing at the concession stand waiting for our popcorn and Icees, and as I tend to do when I'm out and about, I was listening to other people's conversations. [What? You know you do it too.]

Anyway, there's an older guy at the register next to us and the manager of the movie theater says to him, "So, how about a photo opp with him?" And the older guy says (in a rather gruff manner), "No. That's not gonna happen."

At which time I start looking around for someone who might be worthy of a photo opp and lo and behold, about 10 feet behind me is freaking Jerry Seinfeld.

Shut.
The.
Front.
Door.

It should be noted that he's rather short. I thought he would be taller. Maybe television adds a few inches of height? Oh and damn does he look OLD.

Anyway...he's standing there shoving popcorn in his face and I look at my sister and say "Holy shit. That's Jerry Seinfeld. We HAVE to ask if he'll take a photo with us."

I loved watching 'Seinfeld' back in the day. LOVED. It. [And anyone who knew me in college knew that everyone - I mean everyone - would say to me: "Oh my GAWD. You look JUST like Elanie from Seinfeld." No joke. My freshman year of college I attended the OU Halloween party AS Elaine from 'Seinfeld' and actually had several drunk-ish people believing it.]

So, we walk up to Jerry [I'm gonna call him Jerry because I CAN] and I say "Hi! Would you take a photo with us?"

Jerry, still shoveling popcorn in his face, says...."Nah. I don't think so."

What.
The.
Actual.
F*ck.

What I thought: Dude. We loved your show and you're so goddamn busy eating popcorn at 11 a.m. in a totally empty movie theater that you can't pull yourself away from said popcorn for two freaking seconds and take a picture with two fans? 

What I really said: "Really?"

Jerry in full snark mode: "Yeah I hear phones these days have cameras and everything." (It wasn't funny when he said it either, so yeah.)

My sister: "Really?"

We proceed to chat a bit and we tell him the aforementioned story about me being Elaine from Seinfeld's doppelgänger and [I shit you not] he look right at me and says "Boy you must have had some really dumb friends."

Shut.
The.
Front.
Door.
.
.
Again.

The "handler" who was standing next to him laughed at my story and was nice enough to ask what movie we were going to see. For the record Jerry was going to see the "guy movie" 'The Magnificent Seven' and deemed 'Girl on a Train' a 'chic flick.'

And then Jerry and his popcorn walked away.
And I secretly hoped he tripped on the way into the theater and spilled his popcorn. ;)

Look I get that celebrities don't like to be bothered by throngs of people but we were the ONLY  people in the damn movie theater lobby and it wasn't like he was trying to stay out of sight.

We posted our "celebrity" sighting on FB and heard from many other folks that Jerry is just a jerk. Like all the time. He treats everyone like that.

Well, Jerry.
Guess what?
I used to think you were funny.
Now?
I just think you're a big stupid jerk who is rude to fans.

And I hope you got a popcorn kernel stuck in your teeth.
Waaaaaay in the back. Where you can't reach it with floss.

Yes, really.

One of Those Weeks

I'm going to preface this post with an apology - I'm sorry all I'm writing about is my venting about life but right now that's what I've got and if you don't want to read it, move on. That's all.

I am having a week.
As in I'd like this week to be over because maybe next week will be better.

I can't even pinpoint when my week went to shit
I have been feeling "off" all week.
I'm irritable.
I'm cranky.
(Yes, some of it WAS PMS but whatever).

I can't concentrate.
Today it sort of all bubbled to the surface.
I was doing a good job of keeping this craptastic week on the down low but not today.

My focus was for crap.
I went to the grocery store without a list.
EVERYTHING hurts today.
Like everything.
My shoulders, my elbows, my collarbones, my hips, my back, my knees. And everything in between.
Oh and I just took a shower so I could cry my eyes out.
Because I've also been on the verge of tears all fucking day too.

Did I mention that I'm a damn train wreck today?

On top of my health ridiculousness (because honestly, that's what fibro is... it IS ridiculous), Olivia is once again dealing with a health issue that NO almost-13-year-old should deal with. And so that is stressing me out which in turns leads to this mini-flare that I've been dealing with all week.

And quite frankly I'm just done with people. Like there are 7.5 billion people in the world and right now I can tolerate maybe a baker's dozen of said people (JK. Sort of. Maybe 2 dozen). Honestly at this point I think I'd be better off living on a deserted island that had WiFi and a Starbucks because I literally can't even right now.

So there you have it. I feel like crap (again). I am done adulting for the week and it's only Thursday.

And now I'm going to do enjoy a cup of tea because I gave up eating at night so I can lose weight and I'd really rather have a big f*cking bowl of ice cream but NO I'll sip on vanilla tea instead.

Namaste.

Monday Rant

I woke up in a bad mood.
Like....six days ago.
And I'm still in a bad mood.

For the past week fibro has been kicking my ass. I'm irritable. I'm pissed off. My shoulders hurt. My elbows hurt. My collarbones hurt which means it hurts to breathe. I have no appetite because I'm nauseous.

Oh, and I'm FAT.

Yeah.
That's right.
Just in case I wasn't aware of this fact...my doctor decided to tell me as much today. 

Today I had my yearly OB/Gyn appointment today and when the doctor FINALLY came into the room (45 minute late) she asked how I was doing.

Me: Not great. I've had a few bad days where fibro is concerned.
Doctor: Have you thought about losing weight to help you feel better?

NO I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.
HOW ABSOLUTELY F*CKING STUPID OF ME.

What I wanted to say was something along the lines of: Are you f*cking kidding me at this very moment? I'm sitting here totally effing NAKED under this piece of shit GIANT "gown" with a sheet of paper covering me from the waist down and you want to talk about how overweight I am? Do you think I'm not aware of the fact that I need to lose like 70 pounds? 

Instead I said something like "yes I know I need to lose weight and I'm trying but nothing works."

To which she suggested I consider "weight loss shots."
And no, she didn't mean fun "shots" at the bar.
She's talking about some every-day-kind-of-injection that tricks my brain into thinking I'm full.

Um. NO.

Look, I know I'm overweight. I have been for like 10 years ever since Emma was born. But since I started taking a certain medication to help me sleep (because of f*cking fibro) I cannot lose any weight.

In fact, I've gained weight.

Hey, this pill will help you sleep better but you'll also gain weight just thinking about food. 
Yay. 

I could literally NOT EAT for days and I probably wouldn't lose any weight right now.

And YES. I do fully realize that if I lose weight I might feel better when it comes to fibro but it is not a f*cking cure because there is no cure. And I'm quite certain that there are skinny people with fibro who feel just as shitty as I do on some days.

And in case anyone out there is wondering...when everything hurts - like it has for the past few days - the LAST thing I want to do is MOVE. I want to take a nap even though I know I need to move. I don't need people telling me to do something. And I sure as shit don't need a doctor to tell me I'm fat. I can look in a damn mirror and see that.

I'm so pissed off right now that I'm really just venting in this post. I know I need to lose weight. I don't need people telling me that or giving me advice on what THEY think will help.

Anyway.
There it is.

Update: So, I've had a good 24 hours to think about what happened yesterday and I've reached a few conclusions.

1. No one should ever be allowed to make me (or anyone else) feel "less-than" for being overweight. And that's what my doctor did. She made me feel fat and ugly and worthless because I need to lose weight.

2. When a patient is sitting in an exam room - wearing JUST a "gown" and a sheet of paper over their girl parts - and she's CRYING because she (1) is so frustrated about how fibro makes her feel and (2) she is totally humiliated that you just told her she needs to lose weight ... what is the proper reaction? Let me give you a hint: it isn't standing on the opposite side of the exam room with a look of total disinterest on your face.

3. I am fully convinced that my OB falls into the category of morons people who don't believe that fibro is real. Trust me. It is real. It is really f*cking real. And no matter what the scale says I'm still going to have fibro.

4. Mean people suck.

Much Ado About Pneumonia

Did you hear that Hillary Clinton has pneumonia?

If you've been watching ANY of the 24-hour news networks today I'm sure you already know that.

Why this is news is really beyond comprehension.

MSNBC actually posted an online poll asking if the fact that Hillary has pneumonia disqualifies her from being president?

W.T.A.F.?

Are we serious right now? We less than two months out from the presidential election, Drumpf and his supporters want to build a damn wall and ban an entire religion from entering and/or staying in this country (and apparently his supporters in South Carolina want to do even worse than that) but apparently having pneumonia is potentially disqualifying?

You have got to be f*cking kidding me right now.

This whole "OMG Hillary has pneumonia!!!!" news cycle is beyond sexist. If Drumpf suddenly came down with influenza or pneumonia would the media jump all over it and spend an entire news cycle on it?

No.
Why?
Because he's not a woman.

You can feel free to disagree with that statement, but it's true. Throughout this entire election the media has been soft on Drumpf, apparently because he's "new" to politics (total crap but totally different blog rant post).

I'm also quite certain that if Bernie had won the nomination and he came down with pneumonia it wouldn't be turned in an entire news cycle.

Why? Because he's a man.

This entire day of "news" has been beyond sexist and demeaning.
Pneumonia would not be "newsworthy" if we weren't talking about a woman candidate. 

Let's get something straight right now - whether you like Hillary or not, she's tough and she works harder than any of those talking heads on the news shows. And when you have pneumonia that isn't the best route to getting healthy. But I totally get why she pressed on and insisted on working.

I live with a chronic illness. On any given day I work through pain levels that many people would find unbearable. But I have to do it. I have young kids, I have a job, I have a household to take care of. But sometimes I literally can't. And I have to take a nap. Like today. Today I took an hour-long nap because I felt like total shit. Thankfully I work from home and have that luxury.

And pneumonia? That isn't chronic. It goes away after a few days on antibiotics + rest. So for the love of all that is holy please stop making this a bigger deal than it really is.

Yeah, her campaign should have sent out a report on Friday that she had pneumonia but they didn't. So. Freaking. What.

There are so many more important and relevant things to talk about in this election.

15

Today is the 15th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.

The girls are at the age where they're both asking questions about what happened on 9/11. We talked a little about it at breakfast yesterday, and Emma watched a documentary with me.

"Mommy why are the terrorists so mean? Why did they do that?"

15 years later and I still don't have an answer.

Emma was full of questions all night - why did they do that? who were the bad men? what happened to the people at the top of the Twin Towers? can we visit where the plane crashed in Pennsylvania?

Olivia said they were able to watch CNN for Kids at school on Friday and the footage they saw was of the second plane hitting the tower.

I've tried to explain to both girls what it was like to watch the events of that day - the planes hitting the towers, the fear everyone felt, how the airlines were shut down.

A few years ago we visited the 9/11 site and saw the footprints of the buildings that are now fountain memorials. It was as sobering a sight as when I first saw the site back in 2003 when it was just a huge hole in the ground.

15 years later and I still can't get through a 9/11 documentary without crying.

It's not that I knew anyone who died that day. But I remember watching it as every event unfolded. I remember walking outside that night and how eerily quiet the sky was. I remember waking up on September 12 wondering if something else might happen.

I think this blog post I wrote three years ago says all I can say about it. 

15 years later and we will STILL never forget.