Do you ever have one of those days when for a split second or two you really ENVY another person? You envy their job or an experience they're having or a trip they're taking or where they live.
And then you think, "Oh wow. Am I a bad person for feeling this way?"
It's one of the seven deadly sins.
It's bad to envy.
Yeah, it's bad.
But I think maybe it's also necessary at times.
Take for example what happened to set this blog post in motion.
I clicked on a Twitter profile and ended up at a blog and thought "Damn. How lucky is so-and-so? They are doing EXACTLY what I wish I was doing. They have a dream job."
And boom! I was hit with the envy bug.
For a moment I was actually ENVIOUS of this person.
And then I stopped and thought "what in the world is wrong with you?!?"
I stepped back and thought about why I went down that road.
It was during the "reflection" portion of my brief fit of envy where this blog post was born.
I thought to myself "Hey self, you have a great life...so what gives?"
Why oh why was I slightly green with envy, even it was just for a brief amount of time?
Why did I let myself want what someone else has?
And I really don't know the answer to that.
Because in all honesty, I have a blessed life.
I have a loving, wonderful husband who puts up with my mood swings, occasional ranting, and obsessiveness about clean counter tops. He loves me even though I'm not as thin as I used to be and I have gray hair and the start of crow's feet. I have two beautiful, amazing, brilliant daughters who are the center of my universe. We live in a beautiful house. We have our health. We make it to Disney World at least once a year. I'm close with my parents and my sister and her family. I don't have much to complain about. I really do have a great life.
And yet, every now and then I feel pangs of envy directed at other people.
I'm not mean or callous about it.
I don't think spiteful things about others.
I don't judge other people or deny them their happiness or question "why them?"
Sometimes envy just rears her ugly green head and there's nothing I can do about it.
And it really is part of human nature.
And maybe it's not all bad.
I think perhaps we need to allow ourselves to feel envy ... just a little bit ... every now and then so we can challenge ourselves to work harder. To be better. If I see someone doing something amazing I might think (as I did the other day) "wow...I could be doing that!" And then I set a plan in motion so that maybe, just maybe, I might actually be doing it someday.
I know in my current work situation I am dealing with a lot of raw emotions on a daily basis and I believe this pang of envy is connected to that.
I know what I don't want to be doing, and I also know what my "ideal" work/blogging/social media experience is - but I need to work on getting there.
So while seeing others who are already "there" might make me a bit envious, it is also giving me the push I need make my dreams a reality.
And for that, I am a grateful.