11.15.2016

Tuesday Thoughts: A Week Later

So here we are, one week after Election Day 2016 (aka: The End of Days).

Am I still angry about the outcome?
Yep.
Am I still posting political stuff on Facebook and Twitter?
Yep. (And I'll get to that more in a bit)

But, here's the thing: in the midst of my anger and (yes, really) despair about what happened last week I am finding resolve and positive thoughts. Do I still think we, as a country, are headed down a path that is equal parts terrifying and uncharted? Damn right. But I am convinced that there is a huge group of folks out there who are willing to fight back.

And for my part I'm involved in another campaign for 2017 and that is likely just the start of my part of the fight.

I'm also trying to remain positive and do things that make me happy.

Like, decorating for Christmas.
On November 14.

Yes, really.
Last night Kevin said "we should decorate" and the girls were really excited about it ... so who was I to say no? [I did say 'no' to Walt the Elf on the Shelf coming back. It's way too soon for that nonsense].

And to be honest sitting next to the tree last night, sipping a cuppa tea, was very relaxing. It was happiness in the midst of impending darkness.

So yeah.
I decorated for Christmas.
On November 14.
Deal with it.

Which brings me to my other thought for today. I've seen several people posting on FB about how THEY THINK we should all stop posting about politics and how we should "unlike" sites like MSNBC, Vox, The Daily Kos, etc. Basically telling people that they're tired of hearing about it and therefore we should all shut up.

Well guess what?
That's not going to happen any time soon on my FB page.
So, if you're tired of seeing political posts you best unfollow or unfriend me now.

Because in case you aren't aware there is a revolution starting and that means this is NOT the time to sit back and shut up.

This is the time to speak up, speak out, be heard, and let those who think they're going to silence entire religions or groups of people know that we will not be silent. I will continue to speak up and speak out because that is MY right. And if we stop speaking up and speaking out then THEY win. Again. And that is not OK.

So there you have it.
I decorated for Christmas
And I'm going to keep posting political stuff.
Because I can.
;)

Happy Tuesday.

11.10.2016

A New Day

Yesterday I cried.
A lot.

And then I got mad.
Really, really angry.
Pissed off.

And I resolved to fight against what has happened to this country.

My candidate won the popular vote.
If we didn't have such a f*cked up system she would be president.

Instead, we have a racist, sexist, nationalist, xenophobic clown taking over the Oval Office in 71 days.

I hate clowns.
They're frightening.

Last night I watched as thousands of people marched in protest over the election results.
That made me smile.

I love that we live in a country with freedom of speech and freedom of assembly.
And I hope these protests continue for the next four years.
They don't have to be huge protests, but we must continue to fight the good fight.

We have to fight for our rights. Fight for the foundations of this republic. Fight for those who can't fight.

Yesterday we had a breakfast for parents at the elementary school. It was more like a wake after a funeral - no one was talking, everyone was somber. Today we had another breakfast and the mood had shifted. It was as if everyone shook off the fear and uncertainty and sadness of November 9 and made the decision that life must go on and we will still keep doing what we've always done in the face of something horrific.

We come together as a country and fight like hell.

I'm in.
Are you?

11.09.2016

Now What?

I don't even know where to begin today.

I've been staring at this screen for a while, wondering how to put into words the despair, sadness, and disgust that I'm feeling.

I can't even reconcile the words in my head right now: Donald Trump is our next president.

This seriously has to be some sort of sick, twisted alternate reality.
It can't be real.
This can't really be happening.

But then I remember - it really did happen. The country just elected a reality tv star with NO political experience - who also happens to be a sexist racist nationalist xenophobe - to the highest office in the land.

Today is the end of the Democratic party and the GOP. In one swift move both political parties have written their obituaries and now the American public is left wondering where in the hell do we go from here.

Sure, there are people who are happy that Trump won. I know a few of those people. I don't understand how anyone can be happy about this.

There is nothing to be joyous about.
There is no happiness.
Right now all I see is darkness and sadness and uncertainty and fear.

When I woke this morning to the nightmare realization that he had been elected I sat in my bed and cried. I am crying now as I type this.

I am sad.
And scared.
And fearful.
And worried.
And confused.

I fear for our country's future. And what this will mean for my daughters. And what this will mean for the world. I fear for the future of the Supreme Court and women's rights and LGBTQ rights and I am scared for Muslims, and blacks, and Latinos, and yes even white middle class women like myself.

I've been voting since 1992 and I've never felt so much despair after an election. I have been angry about results before (2000 I'm looking at you) but I've never felt such overwhelming sadness. 

And yet, I get it. People wanted change. They wanted something different. But this? This isn't the way to do it. Electing a man who wants to build a wall and ban an entire religion and take away women's rights and LGBTQ rights....that isn't change. That is taking our country back decades and that is not OK.

Beyond my sadness though is an anger toward the Democrats that I didn't think was possible for me to feel. My party has failed me and this country. They refused to listen to the millions of people who voted for Bernie Sanders - people who wanted change and voted for that change. I firmly believe that if Bernie had been on the ticket - even as a VP - we would be having a totally different conversation today.

And for that I am angry. 

So now what?

A friend posted on Facebook that now is the time to fight darkness with light. He said "we mourn and bury our dead and we fight." 

So, now we fight. We surround ourselves with our friends and neighbors and we vow to protect those who need protecting. We continue to fight for the rights of those who are targeted, for those who need protecting, and for those who are marginalized, and for those who fear their rights will be stripped away.

We fight for the America that we want to have.
We fight for civil rights and equality and love.

We fight with our words and our love of country and our determination to make this world a better place for our kids and grandkids. We fight with our votes whether that is on a local or national level. We fight in two years in the midterms.

And, we fight again in four years.

Today we find ourselves standing on the precipice, staring into the dark abyss of the next four years. As a country we've been on the brink before and somehow we make it through the darkness into the light. The only way to get through this is to stand together and stand for what is right and just and fair.

We need to channel our sadness and fear and anger into a fight for justice and equality and prosperity and love. That is the ONLY way we can set this country back on the right path. It might take some time but nothing that is worth it is ever easy.

11.08.2016

Election Day

Today has been rather surreal.
And it's ONLY 9 a.m.

My day started at 5 a.m. when I was interviewed on the BBC's Victoria Derbyshire Programme.
In the United Kingdom.

So....long story short: Yesterday a reporter from the BBC contacted me via Twitter to ask if I would be interested in being interviewed as a "swing state" voter on this BBC current affairs show. I said yes and then spoke to the reporter for about 30 minutes on the phone.

Today, I had to be up at 4:30 to be ready for my Skype call from the BBC.
(How weird does that sound?!?)

I was part of a panel that included another Hillary supporter from Florida, a very angry Trump supporter from Nevada, and a 21-year-old college student from Iowa who was voting for Trump because he hated Hillary. Yes, really.

In all, I think I spoke for about one minute (maybe two) but it was still super cool.
I got interviewed on the freaking BBC!

And then I went to vote.
At 6:30 a.m.
With the kids and Kevin.

It was really cool to see a rather long line at the polling place.
And it was REALLY amazing to vote for Hillary.
History was made with that vote. 

Here's hoping for the right result tonight.


11.01.2016

November

Well would ya look at this?
It's November 1.
And I'm blogging.
Seems like a good way to start the month I guess.

Not sure what the hell happened in October, but somehow the month got away from me and I didn't blog.

Whatevs. ;)

So here we are ONE WEEK away from Election Day and I am SO SICK AND TIRED OF POLITICS RIGHT NOW.

Seriously.
I am a political news junkie but right now it's all so damn exhausting.
This election is beyond ridiculous.
And I really can't wait until it is over.

I'm voting for Hillary.
I think Trump is a sexist, racist, misogynistic asshat and I hope he sulks in Trump Tower for MONTHS after he loses. 

And that's all I have to say about that.

November is actually one of my favorite months - mostly because Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays (Halloween used to hold the top spot but I'm debating giving it to Turkey Day). So here's hoping for a Democratic sweep next week. And maybe, just maybe, I'll blog more (that way my mom can't PM me to tell me I haven't blogged in weeks. LOL!! HI MOM!)

Here's to a good month. ;)

10.07.2016

That Time I Met Jerry Seinfeld and Realized He Wasn't That Funny

Today I went to the movies with my mom and sister and as is the case when you're at the movies, a small popcorn and frozen Coke was necessary.

So my sister and I are standing at the concession stand waiting for our popcorn and Icees, and as I tend to do when I'm out and about, I was listening to other people's conversations. [What? You know you do it too.]

Anyway, there's an older guy at the register next to us and the manager of the movie theater says to him, "So, how about a photo opp with him?" And the older guy says (in a rather gruff manner), "No. That's not gonna happen."

At which time I start looking around for someone who might be worthy of a photo opp and lo and behold, about 10 feet behind me is freaking Jerry Seinfeld.

Shut.
The.
Front.
Door.

It should be noted that he's rather short. I thought he would be taller. Maybe television adds a few inches of height? Oh and damn does he look OLD.

Anyway...he's standing there shoving popcorn in his face and I look at my sister and say "Holy shit. That's Jerry Seinfeld. We HAVE to ask if he'll take a photo with us."

I loved watching 'Seinfeld' back in the day. LOVED. It. [And anyone who knew me in college knew that everyone - I mean everyone - would say to me: "Oh my GAWD. You look JUST like Elanie from Seinfeld." No joke. My freshman year of college I attended the OU Halloween party AS Elaine from 'Seinfeld' and actually had several drunk-ish people believing it.]

So, we walk up to Jerry [I'm gonna call him Jerry because I CAN] and I say "Hi! Would you take a photo with us?"

Jerry, still shoveling popcorn in his face, says...."Nah. I don't think so."

What.
The.
Actual.
F*ck.

What I thought: Dude. We loved your show and you're so goddamn busy eating popcorn at 11 a.m. in a totally empty movie theater that you can't pull yourself away from said popcorn for two freaking seconds and take a picture with two fans? 

What I really said: "Really?"

Jerry in full snark mode: "Yeah I hear phones these days have cameras and everything." (It wasn't funny when he said it either, so yeah.)

My sister: "Really?"

We proceed to chat a bit and we tell him the aforementioned story about me being Elaine from Seinfeld's doppelgänger and [I shit you not] he look right at me and says "Boy you must have had some really dumb friends."

Shut.
The.
Front.
Door.
.
.
Again.

The "handler" who was standing next to him laughed at my story and was nice enough to ask what movie we were going to see. For the record Jerry was going to see the "guy movie" 'The Magnificent Seven' and deemed 'Girl on a Train' a 'chic flick.'

And then Jerry and his popcorn walked away.
And I secretly hoped he tripped on the way into the theater and spilled his popcorn. ;)

Look I get that celebrities don't like to be bothered by throngs of people but we were the ONLY  people in the damn movie theater lobby and it wasn't like he was trying to stay out of sight.

We posted our "celebrity" sighting on FB and heard from many other folks that Jerry is just a jerk. Like all the time. He treats everyone like that.

Well, Jerry.
Guess what?
I used to think you were funny.
Now?
I just think you're a big stupid jerk who is rude to fans.

And I hope you got a popcorn kernel stuck in your teeth.
Waaaaaay in the back. Where you can't reach it with floss.

Yes, really.

10.06.2016

One of Those Weeks

I'm going to preface this post with an apology - I'm sorry all I'm writing about is my venting about life but right now that's what I've got and if you don't want to read it, move on. That's all.

I am having a week.
As in I'd like this week to be over because maybe next week will be better.

I can't even pinpoint when my week went to shit
I have been feeling "off" all week.
I'm irritable.
I'm cranky.
(Yes, some of it WAS PMS but whatever).

I can't concentrate.
Today it sort of all bubbled to the surface.
I was doing a good job of keeping this craptastic week on the down low but not today.

My focus was for crap.
I went to the grocery store without a list.
EVERYTHING hurts today.
Like everything.
My shoulders, my elbows, my collarbones, my hips, my back, my knees. And everything in between.
Oh and I just took a shower so I could cry my eyes out.
Because I've also been on the verge of tears all fucking day too.

Did I mention that I'm a damn train wreck today?

On top of my health ridiculousness (because honestly, that's what fibro is... it IS ridiculous), Olivia is once again dealing with a health issue that NO almost-13-year-old should deal with. And so that is stressing me out which in turns leads to this mini-flare that I've been dealing with all week.

And quite frankly I'm just done with people. Like there are 7.5 billion people in the world and right now I can tolerate maybe a baker's dozen of said people (JK. Sort of. Maybe 2 dozen). Honestly at this point I think I'd be better off living on a deserted island that had WiFi and a Starbucks because I literally can't even right now.

So there you have it. I feel like crap (again). I am done adulting for the week and it's only Thursday.

And now I'm going to do enjoy a cup of tea because I gave up eating at night so I can lose weight and I'd really rather have a big f*cking bowl of ice cream but NO I'll sip on vanilla tea instead.

Namaste.

9.19.2016

Monday Rant

I woke up in a bad mood.
Like....six days ago.
And I'm still in a bad mood.

For the past week fibro has been kicking my ass. I'm irritable. I'm pissed off. My shoulders hurt. My elbows hurt. My collarbones hurt which means it hurts to breathe. I have no appetite because I'm nauseous.

Oh, and I'm FAT.

Yeah.
That's right.
Just in case I wasn't aware of this fact...my doctor decided to tell me as much today. 

Today I had my yearly OB/Gyn appointment today and when the doctor FINALLY came into the room (45 minute late) she asked how I was doing.

Me: Not great. I've had a few bad days where fibro is concerned.
Doctor: Have you thought about losing weight to help you feel better?

NO I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.
HOW ABSOLUTELY F*CKING STUPID OF ME.

What I wanted to say was something along the lines of: Are you f*cking kidding me at this very moment? I'm sitting here totally effing NAKED under this piece of shit GIANT "gown" with a sheet of paper covering me from the waist down and you want to talk about how overweight I am? Do you think I'm not aware of the fact that I need to lose like 70 pounds? 

Instead I said something like "yes I know I need to lose weight and I'm trying but nothing works."

To which she suggested I consider "weight loss shots."
And no, she didn't mean fun "shots" at the bar.
She's talking about some every-day-kind-of-injection that tricks my brain into thinking I'm full.

Um. NO.

Look, I know I'm overweight. I have been for like 10 years ever since Emma was born. But since I started taking a certain medication to help me sleep (because of f*cking fibro) I cannot lose any weight.

In fact, I've gained weight.

Hey, this pill will help you sleep better but you'll also gain weight just thinking about food. 
Yay. 

I could literally NOT EAT for days and I probably wouldn't lose any weight right now.

And YES. I do fully realize that if I lose weight I might feel better when it comes to fibro but it is not a f*cking cure because there is no cure. And I'm quite certain that there are skinny people with fibro who feel just as shitty as I do on some days.

And in case anyone out there is wondering...when everything hurts - like it has for the past few days - the LAST thing I want to do is MOVE. I want to take a nap even though I know I need to move. I don't need people telling me to do something. And I sure as shit don't need a doctor to tell me I'm fat. I can look in a damn mirror and see that.

I'm so pissed off right now that I'm really just venting in this post. I know I need to lose weight. I don't need people telling me that or giving me advice on what THEY think will help.

Anyway.
There it is.

Update: So, I've had a good 24 hours to think about what happened yesterday and I've reached a few conclusions.

1. No one should ever be allowed to make me (or anyone else) feel "less-than" for being overweight. And that's what my doctor did. She made me feel fat and ugly and worthless because I need to lose weight.

2. When a patient is sitting in an exam room - wearing JUST a "gown" and a sheet of paper over their girl parts - and she's CRYING because she (1) is so frustrated about how fibro makes her feel and (2) she is totally humiliated that you just told her she needs to lose weight ... what is the proper reaction? Let me give you a hint: it isn't standing on the opposite side of the exam room with a look of total disinterest on your face.

3. I am fully convinced that my OB falls into the category of morons people who don't believe that fibro is real. Trust me. It is real. It is really f*cking real. And no matter what the scale says I'm still going to have fibro.

4. Mean people suck.

9.12.2016

Much Ado About Pneumonia

Did you hear that Hillary Clinton has pneumonia?

If you've been watching ANY of the 24-hour news networks today I'm sure you already know that.

Why this is news is really beyond comprehension.

MSNBC actually posted an online poll asking if the fact that Hillary has pneumonia disqualifies her from being president?

W.T.A.F.?

Are we serious right now? We less than two months out from the presidential election, Drumpf and his supporters want to build a damn wall and ban an entire religion from entering and/or staying in this country (and apparently his supporters in South Carolina want to do even worse than that) but apparently having pneumonia is potentially disqualifying?

You have got to be f*cking kidding me right now.

This whole "OMG Hillary has pneumonia!!!!" news cycle is beyond sexist. If Drumpf suddenly came down with influenza or pneumonia would the media jump all over it and spend an entire news cycle on it?

No.
Why?
Because he's not a woman.

You can feel free to disagree with that statement, but it's true. Throughout this entire election the media has been soft on Drumpf, apparently because he's "new" to politics (total crap but totally different blog rant post).

I'm also quite certain that if Bernie had won the nomination and he came down with pneumonia it wouldn't be turned in an entire news cycle.

Why? Because he's a man.

This entire day of "news" has been beyond sexist and demeaning.
Pneumonia would not be "newsworthy" if we weren't talking about a woman candidate. 

Let's get something straight right now - whether you like Hillary or not, she's tough and she works harder than any of those talking heads on the news shows. And when you have pneumonia that isn't the best route to getting healthy. But I totally get why she pressed on and insisted on working.

I live with a chronic illness. On any given day I work through pain levels that many people would find unbearable. But I have to do it. I have young kids, I have a job, I have a household to take care of. But sometimes I literally can't. And I have to take a nap. Like today. Today I took an hour-long nap because I felt like total shit. Thankfully I work from home and have that luxury.

And pneumonia? That isn't chronic. It goes away after a few days on antibiotics + rest. So for the love of all that is holy please stop making this a bigger deal than it really is.

Yeah, her campaign should have sent out a report on Friday that she had pneumonia but they didn't. So. Freaking. What.

There are so many more important and relevant things to talk about in this election.

9.11.2016

15

Today is the 15th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.


The girls are at the age where they're both asking questions about what happened on 9/11. We talked a little about it at breakfast yesterday, and Emma watched a documentary with me.

"Mommy why are the terrorists so mean? Why did they do that?"

15 years later and I still don't have an answer.

Emma was full of questions all night - why did they do that? who were the bad men? what happened to the people at the top of the Twin Towers? can we visit where the plane crashed in Pennsylvania?

Olivia said they were able to watch CNN for Kids at school on Friday and the footage they saw was of the second plane hitting the tower.

I've tried to explain to both girls what it was like to watch the events of that day - the planes hitting the towers, the fear everyone felt, how the airlines were shut down.

A few years ago we visited the 9/11 site and saw the footprints of the buildings that are now fountain memorials. It was as sobering a sight as when I first saw the site back in 2003 when it was just a huge hole in the ground.

15 years later and I still can't get through a 9/11 documentary without crying.

It's not that I knew anyone who died that day. But I remember watching it as every event unfolded. I remember walking outside that night and how eerily quiet the sky was. I remember waking up on September 12 wondering if something else might happen.

I think this blog post I wrote three years ago says all I can say about it. 

15 years later and we will STILL never forget.