6.05.2010

You used to be much more muchier

I know, my blogging has been rather, um, spotty lately.

As in...I haven't been blogging.

At all.

It's just that, well, um.....OK, I have no valid excuses.

Other than this - I've been busy and life has been crazy and quite frankly I haven't had much to say.

I think I'm in a bit of a funk.

I watched 'Alice in Wonderland' again tonight (no, not the cartoon...this time...the Tim Burton version).
My favorite line is this - "you have lost your muchness".

I can relate to that.

I used to be much more muchier.
I think I may have lost some of my muchness.
And I haven't found it.
Yet.

I've been in a bit of a slump the last few weeks.

The job is not what I thought it would be. I'm not excited about it. (The fact that it is now a part-time job rather than the full-time job it was supposed to be is just the tip of the iceberg).

Emma is not adjusting to daycare - every day she asks if she can stay home with me. And she cries. Every. Single. Morning. If she's going to daycare, she's crying. It breaks my heart.

Also, I'm dealing with a strained neck.
(You will love this story.)
I fell at Disney World last month on our vacation. I mean, I FELL. Banged up my knee, broke my camera (sort of). It was ugly. (But, on the upside, I did catch the whole thing on film. Priceless.)

Since then, I've been dealing with serious neck pain...so five weeks after I fell, I decided to go see the doctor.
Diagnosis: Strained neck.
I'm now taking muscle relaxers and doing neck exercises so I can avoid physical therapy.
But if you've never had neck pain before, let me tell you ... it is horrid. Sitting at a computer all day, 3 days a week is so painful. I am hoping I heal soon.

Let's add this up:
Job that doesn't make the grade + unhappy kids + neck pain = stressed out mommy looking for her muchness.

Yep. Majorly funky here. And not in a good way.

So...when I'm in a funk, my writing suffers.
And when my writing suffers, this blog suffers.
And that makes me unhappy.

And there it is...in a nutshell.
Life is a bit crazy and messy right now.

However....

I have great friends who are helping me keep my chin up.
(Thank you to JL for reminding me that this year is MY year!)
And, I am still hoping to find my dream job.
When I do, I think I will once again find my "muchness".

Until then....I'm going to 'just keep swimming....'

9 comments:

  1. Hang in there my fellow NDP! As you said...Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming. Ride some waves like Crush does and hopefully the next thing you know Cowabunga your munchness will return with a passion! May the Mouse Bless you and Tink sprinkle you with pixie Dust!

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  2. Thank you for writing this. I've been a bit down lately and the line "you have lost your muchness" rang true with me, too! It feels good that I'm not the only one, though. It's time to try and regain my muchness as well!

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  3. Aww, Traci - sorry you are in a bit of a funk! and that the job isn't quite what you thought it would be. This is definitely a transition time, and I hope it improves for you soon. It will get better for Miss Emma soon - and please take care of yourself! Thinking of you!

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  4. Here is what I know: You haven't lost your muchness. It is obvious to me that it is there. It is lying underneath all of these other things, waiting to rise to the surface and shine bright again. But even now-in the midst of your pain and discouragement-I still see your muchness. It is definitely there.

    As you know, the last five months of my life have been extremely difficult. There has been so much adversity thrown my way I have often felt "dumped on more than a birdhouse shingle." But I'm finally starting to be slightly grateful for it. You and I . . . we will come out of our schmack faster, better, stronger. We will have a greater sense of who we are, what we are capable of accomplishing, and what we do not want to waste our precious time on. In the meantime, I want you to know that you have not lost your muchness. It isn't gone. It's just wrapped up in a cocoon of difficulty so that it can grow and morph into this thing of glory that will be undeniable. Count on it!

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  5. JL...and that is why I adore you. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and friendship! (and for making me cry. LOL)

    :)

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  6. I am sorry to hear that your job hasn't been what it is cracked up to be. That is such a shame, since I know you were soooo excited to get the job.

    I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers just as you have been doing for me!

    Hang in there.

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  7. Not that you have extra time, but I am a lover of PT after they "cured" me twice. I had back pain last year, and after a few times at PT, the pain was gone. Due to exercises they taught me, etc. Just a little fyi.

    Hope things look up soon!!!!!! We miss you on the ol' blog front.... not that I'm doing such a great job keeping up myself.

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