You gotta have (work) friends....

Today was my "year end self assessment review" at The Job.

Yes, a self assessment.
I had to explain what I thought were my successes and challenges and then The Boss gets to rewrite the whole thing and tell me what SHE THINKS are my successes/challenges.
This should be interesting. We also get ranked on a scale of 1 to 3. "1" meaning you're horrible at your job and "3" meaning you'll be the next CEO.

Anyway...after focusing on my "challenges" (this place always has to focus on the negative), we got down to business.

The Boss asks if I've given any thought to our "conversation" from a couple weeks ago. I say "a little but not much." Which is sort of true. I've been thinking about it a lot ... but what I've been thinking probably shouldn't be repeated in a year end review.

I go on to tell her that I've talked to quite a few people at the office and they all seemed surprised when I ask if they like working with me (or if they just like me as a person). She says "it's not a question of whether or not people like you, the issue is that 'these people' don't want to work with you."

WHAT. THE. HECK.

So I ask who "these people" are. And she dodges the question.
Apparently - according to her - "the people" she's heard from don't want to confront me. Apparently I am terribly intimidating and scare people with the slightest look. HA!

OK...so if you have an issue with someone but have to work with them...wouldn't you walk into their office and say "let's talk"???? Yeah, me too. Which leads me to the conclusion that "the people" are made up, figments of her imagination, a total fantasy. I'm "the bad guy"....OK, whatever. Make me the office villain.

Then she says "we gave you the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe you're just an introvert who likes to work in her office, away from people, with the door closed...you know, maybe you keep people at an arm's length..."

At this point, it's all I can do to not laugh in her face.
Me? An introvert?
Clearly she and the regional director don't know me at all.
I'm so far from being an introvert.
hahahahhahahahaha

Anyway...she continues by telling me that they determined that maybe I'm not introverted, but I "put on an air of negativity" and that turns people off.

Yep, that's me.
A negative introvert.
Ooooh...I'm so scary.....

And now we get to the reason behind the title of this post.
I was told in no uncertain terms that there is NO REASON to have friends at work.
I mentioned that I do have friends at the office and I do like the people I work with and we all get along. And The Boss says "I don't see why you need to have friends at work."

I couldn't even come up with a good response other than "I don't see why you wouldn't want to have friends at work."

(I mean really...I couldn't make this up if I tried. These people are just absolutely inhuman and crazy).

Oh and my "review" ended with "well if you aren't happy here then you shouldn't be here." And my response? "I would have to agree with you."

And yet, here I am.
Still working for the devil's minions.
Still miserable.
Still waiting for the phone to ring with a better job offer.

Because when that day comes I will walk into that office with the biggest smile on my face and say "I quit."

That day can't come soon enough.