Had a complete breakdown yesterday. Cried for a good hour over this freakin' test. All I could think was: what the hell are you doing?
I think I know the law -- at least as much as is humanly possible right now. But then I sit down to work on some essays and....NOTHING! My mind completely freezes on me. And that's when the breakdown happened.
Basically if I don't know the law by now, I'm pretty much screwed. And that's how I felt yesterday - SCREWED.
This godforsaken test is in 6 days and I am feeling so unprepared. I think it's so much worse this time because I'm putting so much more pressure on myself. I mean really, who wants to say "yeah, I failed the bar exam six times?" Saying I falied 5 times is bad enough. Once, maybe twice, that's OK...but 5 times. It's almost comic - in a sad, twisted way.
Anyway, I am now going thru high points and low points and am trying to convince myself that I can pass this time. A good friend of mine [who is also taking the exam again] said that we are not going to let this bitch of a test get the better of us. I think that's a good way to look at it - we're better than the bar and we just need to kick ass.
Obvioulsy, I'm having one of those high points right now. Give me another hour or so and I'm sure I'll be in another downward spiral.
Ok, back to the damn mulitple choice questions.
It's the storm (as opposed to the calm) before the storm.
ReplyDeleteI just remember being resigned to it a couple days before hand. Just finally accepting that it is what it is and we have to do it if this is the career path we want to take.
But most days I just wish I had remained a writer. That job looks a lot better from this vantage point than it did when I was doing it every day.
We CAN do it. I know it.