That Time I Met Jerry Seinfeld and Realized He Wasn't That Funny

Today I went to the movies with my mom and sister and as is the case when you're at the movies, a small popcorn and frozen Coke was necessary.

So my sister and I are standing at the concession stand waiting for our popcorn and Icees, and as I tend to do when I'm out and about, I was listening to other people's conversations. [What? You know you do it too.]

Anyway, there's an older guy at the register next to us and the manager of the movie theater says to him, "So, how about a photo opp with him?" And the older guy says (in a rather gruff manner), "No. That's not gonna happen."

At which time I start looking around for someone who might be worthy of a photo opp and lo and behold, about 10 feet behind me is freaking Jerry Seinfeld.


It should be noted that he's rather short. I thought he would be taller. Maybe television adds a few inches of height? Oh and damn does he look OLD.

Anyway...he's standing there shoving popcorn in his face and I look at my sister and say "Holy shit. That's Jerry Seinfeld. We HAVE to ask if he'll take a photo with us."

I loved watching 'Seinfeld' back in the day. LOVED. It. [And anyone who knew me in college knew that everyone - I mean everyone - would say to me: "Oh my GAWD. You look JUST like Elanie from Seinfeld." No joke. My freshman year of college I attended the OU Halloween party AS Elaine from 'Seinfeld' and actually had several drunk-ish people believing it.]

So, we walk up to Jerry [I'm gonna call him Jerry because I CAN] and I say "Hi! Would you take a photo with us?"

Jerry, still shoveling popcorn in his face, says...."Nah. I don't think so."


What I thought: Dude. We loved your show and you're so goddamn busy eating popcorn at 11 a.m. in a totally empty movie theater that you can't pull yourself away from said popcorn for two freaking seconds and take a picture with two fans? 

What I really said: "Really?"

Jerry in full snark mode: "Yeah I hear phones these days have cameras and everything." (It wasn't funny when he said it either, so yeah.)

My sister: "Really?"

We proceed to chat a bit and we tell him the aforementioned story about me being Elaine from Seinfeld's doppelgänger and [I shit you not] he look right at me and says "Boy you must have had some really dumb friends."


The "handler" who was standing next to him laughed at my story and was nice enough to ask what movie we were going to see. For the record Jerry was going to see the "guy movie" 'The Magnificent Seven' and deemed 'Girl on a Train' a 'chic flick.'

And then Jerry and his popcorn walked away.
And I secretly hoped he tripped on the way into the theater and spilled his popcorn. ;)

Look I get that celebrities don't like to be bothered by throngs of people but we were the ONLY  people in the damn movie theater lobby and it wasn't like he was trying to stay out of sight.

We posted our "celebrity" sighting on FB and heard from many other folks that Jerry is just a jerk. Like all the time. He treats everyone like that.

Well, Jerry.
Guess what?
I used to think you were funny.
I just think you're a big stupid jerk who is rude to fans.

And I hope you got a popcorn kernel stuck in your teeth.
Waaaaaay in the back. Where you can't reach it with floss.

Yes, really.

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