An Ode to January: Why Do You Have to Be Such a Jerk?

If it wasn't for the fact that January is the birth month of BOTH of my kids (yay, good planning!), I would hate the entire 31 days that make up this frigid, snowy, b*tch of a month.

As it is, I ONLY love two days in January - the 9th and the 24th. Other than that the month of January can suck it.

Today is January 6.
It was supposed to be the kids' second day back to school after winter break.

I say "supposed to be" because after receiving a paltry 1 to 1 1/2 inches of snow last night (that's all you've got Mother Nature?) THEY CANCELLED SCHOOL TODAY.

Seriously folks.

We live in freaking NORTHWEST OHIO. It snows from NOW UNTIL JUNE and you're going to close schools around the area because there's a little snow on the ground???

I. Just. Can't.

It's not like this snow was unexpected. They've been forecasting it for days - the weather guys have been practically giddy with excitement about the prospect of SNOW! And yet, the city plows are nowhere to be seen.

Nary a plow has cleared my neighborhood all morning.
And yet, the roads are NOT impassable.
It's literally an inch of snow.
The sun is shining.
Sure, it's COLD outside.
But it's WINTER.
And we LIVE IN OHIO.
Put on a freaking snowsuit and clear the roads.

And now we have just 4 more snow days for the entire year.
Way to go school system.
Way. To. Go.

Dear January: Suck it.

Why I Rant About the Snow and Cold

Why do I rant about the snow and cold when I live in Ohio?

Because I can.
That's why.

Because I'm sick and freaking tired of all the snow. And the below zero temperatures. And the fact that since December 20 my kids have had 13 days of school (or something like that).

I have actually LOST COUNT of the number of "snow days" their district has called since the first full week of January.

Oh, and we've also had 62.8 INCHES OF SNOW since that first snowfall back in December. That would make the 2013-14 winter the FIFTH SNOWIEST WINTER ON RECORD for northwest Ohio.

In like all of history.

So yeah.

I'm going to complain about the snow.
And the cold.
And the never-ending snow days.

And no, I'm not going to move to Florida anytime soon because (1) we own a house here in Ohio, (2) my husband's job is in Ohio, (3) my kids' school is in Ohio, (4) my family lives in Ohio.

So for all you who might be sick and tired of hearing your friends up north "complain" about snow and ice and cold temperatures, I have one thing to say: Too damn bad.

After the winter we've been dealing with we have earned the right to bitch and moan about how miserable we feel. If you haven't lived in an area where it snows all the time or the wind chills have regularly been below zero or the kids have had more snow days than school days, then you really have no idea what it's like.

At this point, our kids are going to be in school until mid-June or later, the snow isn't going to melt until about April, and the extended forecasts are calling for more snow and more "polar vortex" like temperatures.

Oh, and in case you're wondering...NO this is NOT a normal winter for Ohio. Ask anyone who lives here and they'll say they've never seen anything like this. School administrators have said they've never dealt with this in their entire school careers.

So we aren't just bitching about a "normal" winter. We're miserable. And we're cold. And we would give anything to have a "normal" winter. 

If you're sick and tired of hearing the northerners complain about winter you should probably just mute all of us on Facebook and Twitter because we still have at least six more weeks of this crap (according to the rodent from Pennsylvania). And I'm sure we'll be bitching about it until the grass turns green and the flowers bloom.

Do You Want to Build a Snowman? (Too bad because it's too cold to step outside without instantly freezing in place)

Oh winter....I get it. You're in a foul mood and now you've gone all polar vortex on the northern half of the country for the last few weeks.

But honestly, enough is enough don't you think? I mean, even Elsa was able to get her freezing mood swings under control. And she was The Ice Queen.

So far this month the kids have been OUT of school more than they've been IN school. They had an extra week of "Christmas Break" at the beginning of the month thanks to two back-to-back snow storms and the first "polar vortex."

Now, they didn't have school last Friday because it was deemed "too cold" to get on the bus. [OK, yeah it was cold. Like 10 below zero wind chill...but seriously, they DO have heat in school so let's just say that last Friday was a stupid snow day and move on].

They also didn't have school today because of (1) a Level 2 snow emergency, (2) "road conditions", and (3) the fact that the wind chill was like -15 all freaking day. And tomorrow? No school again. This time the wind chill is going to be something totally ridiculous like -25. Or colder.

At this rate they will be in school past the last day of "scheduled" school (June 4 for our district). We had five allowed "calamity" days this year. We used those the first week of January. Now, we're three days over the allowed number of "calamity" days and there's no end in sight.

We're under a wind chill WARNING until NOON on Wednesday. Which means no school tomorrow. Probably no school on Wednesday. Maybe they'll have school on Thursday when we're supposed to have a "warm up" to 27 degrees ABOVE zero. That's damn near balmy for these parts.

Everyone is sick of winter. I think winter is sick of winter. Everyone except the local weather forecasters. They are damn near giddy about the weekly daily POLARVORTEX-ARCTICBLAST-ALBERTACLIPPER-NAMEDSTORMOFTHEWEEK.

Me? I'm sick and tired of these words: Alberta Clipper, arctic blast, polar vortex, wind chill, snow, and cold. I know every year I bitch about how cold it is and how much I hate winter...but this year I really, really mean it.

I am sick and tired of the cold. And the snow. And the school cancellations. And snow emergencies. I would just like winter to go back to "normal" with temperatures in the 30s and a few snow flakes here and there.

I understand now why some animal hibernate until spring. It's so they don't go totally insane during January.

As it is, if you need me I'll be hibernating on the couch under several fleece blankets. Drinking wine. Lots and lots of wine.