More Pinterest wisdom for today

I saw this on Pinterest today and holy crap if it didn't speak VOLUMES to me.

Go ahead and read that statement slowly.
Then read it again.
And let it sink in.

"...choose to feel confident and adequate rather than angry and insecure."

So, I blogged last week about my new job and how excited I am about it. And all of this still rings true today - I am excited about the job. And also very nervous. Not only am I starting the new job, I am also starting another new position with a friend's congressional campaign - doing something I've NEVER done before.

One could say that I'm a big bundle of nerves right about now.

Now, truth be told, I am usually a very confident person. I usually think "oh yeah, I can totally do this" and then I just do it. And while I feel that way (for the most part) about the new social media marketing job, I am still nervous about it. And the other job? Oh holy crap...there's a whole new level of nervousness attached to that. I think I'm actually losing sleep over it.

And it's really (really) bothering me that I feel this way. I don't like feeling less-than-confident and very insecure about something. It makes me feel weak. And silly. And it makes me angry. I suppose feeling insecure is just human nature, but it's not in MY nature.

I think know that I'm smart enough.
And talented enough.
And good enough.

I KNOW I can do these jobs and do them well. I know all of this. And yet.....I'm still sitting here feeling insecure and unsure and full of doubt about my abilities.

I know it's "normal" to feel nervous before starting ANY new job. I get that. But this goes way deeper for me. I think I am fearing failure this time. I felt such anger, anxiety, frustration, and weakness after what happened with the Green Polyester Trolls, and now I think these feelings, this insane nervousness, this total fear of failure is a direct result of what I had to deal with last year.

So....

That leaves me wondering what I can do to NOT feel this way. And right now, I don't have an answer. I suppose it's just a matter of believing I can do these jobs and be successful. I need to trust in my own abilities and believe in myself more. Sometimes that just seems easier said than done.

Wish me luck. 

My second act

photo credit: @MauiMinnie702/Maria Hannon

Well, I have big news. Huge news. Good news. After about 8 1/2 months of sending out resumes, going to interviews (some good, some worthy of the book I'm going to write), and being rejected more times than I care to remember...I am ecstatic to announce that I HAVE A NEW JOB!

Yep.
That's right.
Stop the presses.
I. Have. A. New. Job.

And I have to say...I'm very excited about this new gig. I'll be working from home. I'm an independent contractor. And I'll be working with a social media marketing firm. So, let's recap - working from home means NO daycare. Independent contractor means....NO green polyester trolls as my boss. And social media...well we all know that makes me happy.

So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this is a win-win-win for me.

And damn I feel good.

I told a friend of mine a few weeks ago that I'm looking at this new job as my "second act" - a new beginning for me, my professional life, and a new definition for me as a "working mom." I've done the part-time office job and I've done the 40 hour a week office job from hell. And now? Well now I'm setting my own hours. I'm making my own schedule and I'm going to be doing something I love.

This is my new beginning.
I can finally shut the cover on that last chapter.
That story is finished. Over. Completed.
Now, a new chapter begins.
A new story starts today.
And I think it's going to be a good one.

This is how I feel right now....

Um yeah.
So, life is a bit crazy lately.

The job is keeping me busy.
I feel stretched in a million different directions every night when I get home.

No, I'm not asking for sympathy.
I'm not complaining about having a job.
I'm just trying to figure out how in the hell I'm supposed to balance it all and not lose my mind.

I have this horrible sense of mommy guilt -- on Monday through Friday I literally see my kids for about 30 minutes in the morning before shipping them off to daycare for the entire day. And then I get home from work at 6 p.m., cook dinner, eat dinner, bathe the kids and then it's bedtime. (For them, not me.)

I miss them every day when I'm work. I try to not think about it too much - I know they are making friends at daycare and Olivia starts first grade in a month and that will be a whole new adventure for her.

However, I will admit, every single day I think how wonderful it would be if I could stay home with them.

But I can't.
I need to work.
Our family budget requires that I work.
And I KNOW that I am lucky to even have a job in this economy.

I just wish that I could clone myself at times so that one of me could work and earn a paycheck and the other me could stay home with the kids.

And yes, I know that I'm not the first mommy to feel this way.
I just needed to get this down on 'paper' and get it all out.

I know that I'm in a 'transition' period...adjusting to the new job and all the changes that come along with it.

I will figure it out.
I hope.

Whew!

See what happens when I neglect my blog?

The entire background design disappears and no one tells me.

What the heck?

Lucky for me (and the blog) I was able to fix it.

So yeah...where in the world have I been?

Busy. Very, very busy.

I started my new job on Monday and the whole week flew by in a blur of meetings and Skype calls and one road trip to Lima.

I am, in a word, exhausted. And mildly overwhelmed.

And...I think I really like this job. (I'm cautiously optimistic!)

So....that's that.

I'll blog more later...but I have a TON of laundry to do, and my house is a disaster and I really have no idea how to balance this full-time gig with the full-time mommy thing and keeping my house in order and cooking dinner and not losing my mind. But I'm sure I'll figure it out soon.

One door closes, another door opens....and I could not be happier

So, today was my last day of work at The Job.

I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am.

Yesterday, I received a job offer for a new gig - and I accepted. This new job is EXACTLY what I've been looking for and it's with a local office of a national organization (no, I'm not naming them here) and I am SO FREAKIN' EXCITED about it.

Today I gave my two week notice.
My now ex-boss was not pleased with the news.
It was a very unpleasant two minute conversation.

Yeah. That's right. Two minutes. Tops.
There was no 'well, what can we do to keep you here?' (um, nothing!) or 'sorry to see you go'.
It was just "Oh. OK. That's a shame. Go tell HR."

Whatever.
I even offered to stay 'on' until next Wednesday (because it was the RIGHT thing to do!) but I was told that today was my last day.

So, at 1 p.m. this afternoon I walked out into the hot, humid sunshine a "free" woman.
And it felt so good.

There have been so many things wrong with The Job since the day I started - lack of communication, promises broken, blah blah blah. It was a bad deal from the get-go and I'm happy to be moving on.

I am very excited about this next chapter and what it will mean to me professionally.
I feel good about this job.
Really good.

I just want to be happy doing something I love.
This new gig is quite possibly what I want to be when I grow up.
:)

A week in review

Hey...what do you know...I'm still here.

It's been one crazy busy week.

We arrived home last Sunday from our Disney vacation, then I spent all day Monday prepping myself to start a new job and then the next chapter of my life started on Tuesday at 8:30 a.m.

All in all, I think I'm going to like this new gig.

Of course, the first couple of days were stressful and full of new things, and it left me exhausted. And then on my second day my boss and I met with a client who requested a press release for an event that is happening NEXT WEEK! So...I had to research, write and submit my very first release all by Thursday (because right now I'm only working 3 days a week). Yeah....I did it all in about 6 hours. Whew.

But...my boss said (and I quote)...'excellent article! great job!'

[I should note that for the first two days I was thinking "What the hell am I doing here? Why did they think I could do this job? I have no freaking clue...about any of this!" But as soon as I started writing I remembered "holy crap! I do know how to do this!" and all felt right with the world again.]

The other big adjustment for the family - other than mommy not being home every day - was this: the girls had to go back to daycare. This did not go well with Emma.

On Tuesday, she screamed and cried and was miserable when Kevin dropped her off at daycare. On Wednesday she screamed and cried the entire ride there. And when he left she was still crying.
On Thursday she had a 'death grip' on Kevin as he tried to leave.

This breaks my heart.
I feel horrible.
It's not as if Emma has never been at daycare.
It's just that for the last 10 months she has only been at home with me.

Olivia is doing great - she's in school all morning and then is at daycare in the 'school age' room with many of her friends from her previous 'stint' at daycare.
She's happy and adjusted.
It's going to take a while for Emma to adjust, I think.

I know daycare is not all bad - it helps with socialization and in another year it will actually be Emma's preschool. But when I hear how sad Emma is ... the 'mommy guilt' I feel is terrible.

But, all in all, it was a good week.
It's going to be a big adjustment for the next few weeks (months?) but it's all going to be OK.

A new adventure

Tomorrow is THE day.

I am starting the new job tomorrow.

ACK!!!!

I am feeling rather anxious about tomorrow.
Anxious as in really freaking nervous.

I feel silly admitting that.

But it's very true.

I. Am. Nervous.

But I'm also excited about the prospect of a new adventure.
New people.
New experiences.
New challenges.

I am starting out as part time ... but eventually the job will be full time.
I think this is going to be a good thing -- it will make the transition easier for me and the kids.

(As a side note, I haven't worked full time since 2003. This is going to be a big transition for me!)

Wish me luck!

I'll have more to report tomorrow.